Category: Art Imitates Life

I’m a South Korean drama Superfan. It all started with Squid Game – I watched it when it first aired, in English dub, and was completely mesmerized by the visuals of the Story.

I watched it three more times after that first time – still in English dub – and really ‘dug in’ to each of the Characters’ motivations: “Why did that Guy do that thing? What was that Lady thinking, when She did that?” The development of the Characters’ interpersonal relationships with Each Other is PASSION’s favorite part.

Then: I watched Squid Game… the fifth time… in the original Korean.

*mental grenade explodes*

And the rest is History. I have a G/F who We watch SK drama concurrently – sometimes a different show at a time, sometimes the same show and spreading out the episodes so We can discuss – it’s like a Current Day Book Club. Except on TV. And in Korean instead of English.

The show I am watching right now involves one of My favorite subjects: Dying.

The Concept of Dying holds endless fascination for Me. You want it to be because “I’m growing older, physically” DR, but that’s not really accurate. I have pondered Conceptual Dying since I was 9 years old, approximately. [N: I think it’s because I was up to My eyeballs in crocodiles; of being trapped in My Toxic Family during those Childhood years loll]

In this particular show? The Main Female Character has been told She is dying of some brain tumor in Her head, and she has approximately 100 days to live.

The Story is written a little too Conceptual for My liking – Writers do best, IMO, when there aren’t too many different storylines to follow, and when the discussion is more IRL Experience based versus too indepth Conceptual based. This show makes that latter mistake. But, I usually hang in there through the end, if I’ve gotten to at least the end of episode 4.

I imagine – as I identify with this Lady who’s dying – what would I do, if I was “imminently” facing My expiration date, IRL? Who would I tell?

“It Just Depends.”

Technically? I am already well aware – Conceptually – that I *am* dying: I have a chronic disease that can kill Me at any moment [N: Type 1 diabetes] and… I live solo in Current Day. And I haven’t taught My cats to call 911 if They find Me on the floor, passed out from too low blood sugar, so I can imagine just being dead at some point. Probably, at the most inconvenient time for TECH’s scheduling of To-Do’s.

You might wonder if having this disease makes Me fear dying. Nope, I don’t fear it. Even having the Experience of trying to off Myself at least once – and I came real close that second time, several years later – I still have, in Current Day, a “healthy respect” for Death. When Death arrives? I won’t freak out. TBH, I may not even be aware of it – the only Human Beings that are really “aware” of My Death will be all the Other People that surround Me. I’ll just be here one minute, gone the next minute. Easy peasy!

But what I am very, very aware of? What constantly pings My SB? Whatever amount of Time I have left on the clock. Why is that the detail I notice the most?

Because I have sh#t I wanna do. Sh#t I’m doing, actually, right now: Writing – and then posting – My Stories here, for You, DR.

This mission? This “PASSION Project” of Mine? It’s more important to Me than Life itself. And even if the clock runs out on Me I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing. Because You never know, right? Who You Connect with, Who You talk to, Who You buy a random tank of gas for, or share Your sandwich with at lunchtime, or just smiling at a Stranger who’s passing You, going the opposite side of the street, crying. This Other Person? They are crying. Their heart is breaking. That’s PASSION, Who’s heart You see breaking in that Other Person’s tears. And what can I do, in that single moment? What?! “WHAT??!?”

. . .

Well, I can stay watchful. I can notice the details. And, if I get consent from this OP – if Their eyes meet My eyes – that’s exactly the moment:

I can smile at Them. Brightly. Like an emotional Lighthouse on a dark, stormy cliff in the middle of a vast ocean.

Smiling has this Power, DR. It’s like a bullet, shot directly into the heart. But this bullet? This bullet doesn’t kill Me.

It Saves Me.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I’ve seen all kinds of variations of “what to do if I find out I’m imminently dying?” through an infinite number of Art Imitating Life creative-esque media. I’ve learned to Not make the Rookie mistake of pondering it in too much realistic detail, because My SB will take any Idea is “too fleshed out” and get right to work manifesting it IRL. That imagery, “I wanna win a gold medal”? That works with Everything, DR. So… be careful what You wish for.

BTW – the title of this Story refers to what this Lady’s Bestie says verbally – in anguish, despair, and torment – upon finding out Her Friend is dying in 100 days. [N: this is for TECH: “Doom At Your Service”] The Answer to Bestie’s question: You don’t know data that TECH hasn’t acquired already, because it’s impossible to know something “by osmosis.” You have to do it the old-fashioned way – by observation. By verbal communication. By watching for the sub-text. The body language. The clues, that in Hindsight You recall that You missed paying attention to.

I don’t reveal any details of My Life to Other People that are not Connected with Me. I can’t reveal any details to OP that don’t reach out & talk to Me, or that I don’t Trust. I won’t reveal any details to any OP that doesn’t help create a Safe Space in which to be vulnerable… and if You push Me? Imma just lie anyways. So don’t waste Your breath.

But if You Love Me, DR? You really, really Love Me? You better let Me know before I level up. Because I don’t learn anything by osmosis. Not yet, anyways loll.

/CR

Several times a day – because I like to know “What’s Up” in the World – I open a browser on My cell & review the headlines – Yahoo, CNN, etc. etc.

I don’t click to read most of them.

Why? TECH doesn’t need to. Just the headline gives Me enough data – gives TECH enough data – to know if whatever information this article might contain is relevant to Me, My Own Life, or Something “I care about.” And care about doesn’t mean I *don’t* technically care about it – I mean c’mon! I care if a bunch of People just got bombed in the Current Day Russia-vs-Ukraine war, for example – but when I say I don’t care about something it means, “this situation or event does not firsthand affect Me, in My day-to-day IRL Life.”

But – and this is a big butt – that’s way too many words! So TECH likes to short-cut things – TECH refers to this as “efficiency” – and just uses these three small words: “I. Don’t Care.” The End.

But back to My Story.

The Dear Abby letters always trigger PASSION, because PASSION is curious as to how Other Human Beings handle certain situations. TECH enjoys DA letters, too, because I acquire “different perspective” data – and the more TECH has this type of data? The better I become about interacting with the IRL Human Beings I am Connected with, in My Own Life.

So, here’s the headline: “Dear Annie: Should I confront the parents of my son’s bully?” posted 042125 [N: in full disclosure, it’s a Dear Annie article, not a Dear Abby one smh]

TECH immediately shouts: “No!!” In answer to this headline’s question… but Me? I wanna talk about other stuff, not the bully-slash-talk to parents situation. [N: that’s Another Story for Another day]

What I wanna talk about is the Person writing the letter, asking for air-quotes ‘advice.’

And writing in to Dear Annie, Abby or whoever You want is all fine & good – Everyone is the Boss of Themselves, so do what You want in Your Own Life, DR – but know going in that the Answer will only be a Conceptual one.

A Conceptual answer is one that is devoid of any of the associated emotions, Context, and anything else that is the whole of communication. It’s like reading an email Somebody sent to Me: all My SB can do is read the words. All I can do is acquire the technical data. I literally have no way to get anything else.

Unless… I am Connected to this OP who emailed Me & have a verbal convo with Them, IRL. Verbal Connecting with any Other Person affords Me the opportunity to “gain insight” into the situation… and give a better response to it.

But Dear Abby? That’s all Conceptual discussion. At least, it is for Me, the Reader of the article via the Internet. For all I know, Annie received this letter & picked up the phone to have a verbal conversation with this ‘frustrated/worried/concerned for Their Kid’ Parent, first, before finishing/posting this article for the rest of Us out here. Those are UNKN details to Me. And as the saying goes, “the Devil is in the Details.”

So sure, imagining Me in an IRL convo with My Bestie about this article – and the fact that it’s a topic of verbal discussion is important to notice, because I only verbalize things that ping or trigger My SB – I can only discuss My thoughts Conceptually.

If We – Me & My Bestie – are both Parents w/ this-sized Children in grade school, or daycare, or whatever – that’s when My Answers start to change. Now? All bets are off – now there is an IRL situation to deal with. Maybe My Bestie is this DA Letterwriter, with this exact same situation IRL, and is asking Me for advice. Asking Me “what I should do, if I was Them and this was My Kid.”

She – My Bestie, here – is asking Me for My help to figure this out. She’s asking for My emotional *Support.*

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Not every Human Being can ‘do’ Support to another Human Being, no matter how Connected They are to that OP, or “how much I Love Them!” Just like not Everybody can walk & chew gum at the same time. But every HB does have the potential to give Another Person this type of Support. But – from what I’ve seen – most Folks make the Rookie mistake of telling their SB “I can’t do that… it’s just not Who I Am.” And whatever Seeds You Plant for Your Own SB, DR? Your SB gets immediately to work, manifesting that Reality for You in the External World. smh

And because I know blanks drive TECH crazy when trying to do Madlibs, I’ll give You an idea of what I might try if this is My Kid, IRL. First, I sit Him down, hug Him, and tell Him: “It’s all gonna be okay, Honey.” Then, I would ask Him how He felt when the Bully Kid hit him, because My Kid has to learn to use his words to express the NEC out of His Physical Body. [N: Kids that never learn this grow up to be Adults that can’t do it.. which causes chaos] Then, I’d give My Kid a relevant example from this Kid’s own Life: “Honey, what do I do when You are kicking & screaming & mad as anything?” If He can’t remember, I remind Him: “I give You a big hug. I hold You very tightly until You calm down.” Pause here and there, to let the Kid process the data. “And when I hug You, do You feel better?” Let the Kid answer this question alone. [N: if the answer is anything but Yes, You have more work to do, Mom]

“Well, when You are at school and this Bully Kid comes up to start sh#t with You? Don’t be scared. Don’t run. Don’t cry. Face Him, and ask Him this: David! Do You need a Friend? Do You need a hug right now? Whatever You need? I’ll give it to You. Right here. Right now.” [N: if this BK is hitting My Kid, then that means My Son has mutual consent to hug Him. Plant a wet kiss on His cheek. Whatever distracts this BK… and taking an action the OP doesn’t expect Me to take always distracts Them loll]

And one more thing: This trick works best if it is executed immediately after the unwanted behavior happens. You wait too long? It becomes much harder to correct. Just FYI.

Good luck!

/CR

The Necessary Context: In any exchanging of data between 2 distinct/separate/individual Human Beings – in this case, Me & any Other Person – something I just said clearly triggered Them, for some ‘as yet UNKN reason.’

And – like all good F-words – “that which is designed to inflame/incite/trigger an emotional response in the OP” – adding the word ‘fake’ in front of the word ‘news’ totally achieves this desired result. At least, what I am personally going for when I say this phrase.

But saying Fake doesn’t just work as a trigger: It’s also a Tell.

[N: tell = that behavioral thing the opposing Poker Player does that ‘tells’ Me what cards They are holding right now]

It’s taken Me some practicing, to learn how to Not be triggered whenever I hear the words screamed, “Fake News!” But – and this is a big butt – I did succeed. And in Current Day, while hearing this phrase still pings My SB… it no longer triggers PASSION into a total frenzy. Which is always My goal: Figure out a way to Not trigger PASSION… because once PASSION is triggered? All the air is sucked out of the room, and TECH’s being suppressed from doing or saying anything construction. The saying, “My hands are tied” applies here.

But back to My Story.

Let Me break it down into the Details, DR. [N: Details = “where the Devil is”]

Since I already know that whatever I just said triggered this response in the OP I am currently Connected with, the first thing I’m gonna do is ‘check’ the Context of Our – Mines & Theirs – discussion. Are They being funny? Are They making a joke, with this “Fake News” accusation? Being aware of the Context is KEY – it gives TECH more data on this current situation, allowing Me to take a more measured external response.

Okay. So let’s say this OP is Not joking: They are pi$$ed off, or upset, or yelling/screaming right now. [N: yup, definitely triggered loll]

Next? TECH evaluates the Personnel Files – Who is this OP to Me, personally? Do “I care” about Them? Meaning, are They a Stranger standing in front of Me in the line at the grocery store? Or waiting for Their Starbucks order to be called out by the barista? Or… is this a Thanksgiving potluck with all My immediate Family AKA blood Relatives?

If I don’t ‘care’ about this OP – i.e. meaning, I’ll probably never cross paths with Them again IRL – then I’ll probably just laugh the whole thing off. Why? Because that saying, “It’s Better to be Kind than be Right” applies here. And – as is always My Own Priority – I don’t ever intentionally do anything that might get Me killed. [N: this OP could be packing right now for all I know… and I’d rather not acquire any Proof loll]

Where was I? Oh yeah. This is Someone I know & am Connected with, IRL. They are in My Herd in some way – a Loved One, a Friend/Bestie, an Acquaintance, a Distant Relative, or… My MIL. The Bottom Line: This is Someone I will be seeing over & over for infinity, and because of this fact I do not want to explode any mental grenades in Their Own SB right at this moment.

*laughing as I say it* “No, it’s not ‘Fake News’ – it’s very much Real News.”

[N: I consider the use of the word Fake here to mean one of several things: 1) This OP doesn’t wanna believe what I am saying is True, 2) This OP is embarrassed that They didn’t already have this data acquired previously, but is pretending to Save Face, or 3) This OP wants to shut down conversation on this particular topic for whatever Reason They find it distasteful]

This is My first approach. I’m testing the waters, here, with My response. Before TECH launches into “attempting to give My MIL new data on this topic” I must ‘see’ if She is receptive to acquiring this new data. If MIL is not receptive at the moment? I can Plant a Seed and back away – and save the verbal sparring for another day, a better time, etc. etc. [N: “Timing is Everything”]

It’s Better to Be Kind than Be Right… It’s Better to Be Kind than Be Right… It’s Better to Be…

. . .

Conner’s Comments: This Story might feel “unfinished” to Your SB, DR, but that’s all I wanna say right now. [N: You & Your Own SB will “finish” it] Don’t worry – I will be touching on all these topics a bunch more times in Future Stories – but the way to eat an Elephant? “One bite at a time.” This saying applies here.

One alternate response TECH has in My mental Files – which I can whip out when the Context allows – borrows from a Jack Nicholson’s line:

“You Can’t Handle the Truth!” [N: Great movie, this]