Category: The Life of Work

In full disclosure? Being the Giver seems… gross to Me, personally. On the Receiving side of things? “Yes please! Sign Me up!” [N: pun totally intended]

I have a saying – which always triggered My most recent Wife so I refrain from saying it out loud anymore – that She has “d#ck-sucking lips.” And the She in that sentence doesn’t just point to Her specifically – literally every Woman I pass on the street gets the TECH evaluation. It’s the shape – sorta heart-shaped, just the barest hint of pucker, right in the middle…

Yeah. If I was the chick? The last thing I would ever wanna do is stick the Guy’s – any Guy’s, for that matter – c@ck in My mouth. No way, Jose! And when They shoot? Spitter, for sure.

I’m lucky to be a Guy TBH. I absolutely acknowledge it. “Privilege” is a total thing! [N: again, pun intended] And Anyone who tries to say otherwise is lying. [N: Yes, this is an actual Opinion, right here]

But this Story isn’t about any of that… it’s not about physical f#cking at all, TBH. It’s about the Head [N: TECH] and the Heart. [N: PASSION]

I attended a virtual Town Hall recently, where I heard the Guy Running the Show [N: the Executive] say something about wanting His Team – the air-quotes ‘Leadership Team’ – to ‘be equal parts head & heart.’

Yeah, I call BS.

I’m sure Adam meant it – I Connected with Him enough to know this statement, as He intended it to be received, was actually very authentic for Him personally – but here’s the rub. The details. The Devil.

“Just because I want something to be a certain way does not guarantee I will get it.”

Making Staff at My organization – imagining Myself as CEO – feel “Safe” and that they belong here and have a future here all depends on How good I am at Influencing this belief in Their SB, collectively. If I don’t walk My talk? If I Myself – judged by My Own behavior and words and deeds – have lost the plot? Who would possibly believe I was being Truthful?

My Answer: I wouldn’t believe You. Not only would I Not believe You? Imma probably stop listening to anything You say. I’ll probably just continue to do “the bare minimum” for as long as it suits Me to, until I hop like a little Bunny Rabbit off to My next bill-paying gig.

That whole “I have an Open Door policy” business? Imma test those fences. I’m gonna see if Your money is where Your mouth is. Is it kissing My cheek like a lover? Or is it wrapped around My d@ck like a hooker? [N: No offense to Vivian & all the other Pretty Women out there]

It only takes one IRL Experience – ONE – to spoil the bunch. One bad apple to ruin the rest of the applies. And No, I am not obligated to give You any credit for past results – even the stock market offers no guarantees that this bull market will continue. It’s a risk You & Everyone Else must take. And You can label Me “mean” and say “I’m being unfair” all You want, DR-slash-TECH. That saying “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder” applies here. “Call Me Beholder, M#therf#cker!”

And at the same time? Every Other Person – Pearl-Clutchers, the lot of them – will blame Me for this. I’m “too sensitive” or I “can’t take a joke” or “You shouldn’t say things like that or feel this way or-or-or…”

Yeah, I already stopped listening. It started sounding like blah blah blah to Me; the Teacher in those Peanuts cartoons from back in the day. That’s what PASSION starts hearing, inside My head, when Somebody – Anybody, any Other Person – is trying to gas-light Me. [N: gas-light = tell Me how to feel about My Own IRL Experience]

So to You I say this: STFU. Or – more accurately for IRL Me – I vanish in a puff of smoke. Maybe not physically, because I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I mean, I still gotta eat! But PASSION has now left the building. And You are stuck with TECH, cold unfeeling bastard.

You wanted Head, DR? You’re getting it.

You just aren’t gonna like it, much.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Some Folks – Rookies, IMO – because Their Own triggers spiral them outta control will go shoot something. [N: Wow, Moron. You Are Stupid!] Me? I started out being an Excellent Employee, and even through I’m making My moves to bail [N: underneath the water line, true] I remain an Excellent Employee. But… it feels different, to the Others. The friendly banter, the Good Mornings, the how was Your weekend, the interest in Your Life outside of this sandbox? Gone. The drawbridge is now firmly shut. Which explains Why I am job-hunting: PASSION doesn’t wanna be here anymore. And I back PASSION up in this instance.

I just drove to Costco to fill My car up with gas.

I work Remote in Current Day, and after months of “finishing My job tasks, asking for extra work, etc. etc.” I finally had an Epiphany: My Boss doesn’t care. Meaning? My Boss doesn’t care what I do – hypothetically speaking – as long as I get My job done. And I do, because I am super efficient, super accurate with My data entry, etc. etc. So, all things being equal? I’m air-quotes ‘done’ about 3 hours into My 8-hr day. [N: TECH finally acknowledged that My Boss is disallowed – by law, IRL in Current Day – to not “dump more work on Me compared to the rest of My Teammates” because, “Not Fair!?!” and then Somebody gets sued… so I finally took off the ankle bracelet and started getting To-Do’s done, in that “previously underutilized time.”]

I love Costco. I’ve had the Costco in My town for years, but only in the past handful of years did the Costco Mgmt Folks add a gas station. And… a car wash.

At first? I never considered washing My car through the Costco car wash. Why? Because TECH holds the purse-strings, and is constantly watchful where I spend My money, pooh-pooing anything evaluated as – AKA considered to be – “frivolous” -or- “unnecessary” -or- “wasteful.” But TECH is very much a bean-counter, most of the time.

And I’ll be the first to admit: I. Am. A. Poor. Person. Meaning: I have no discretionary money! [N: discretionary = money above what I am paying for My overhead – food/heat/water/meds, etc] But – and this was a Seed one of My Connections Planted for Me, recently – I have no discretionary money Right Now. To add those two words – kinda like adding “In bed” on the tail end of a fortune cookie fortune – reminds My SB that this state of hand-to-mouth is temporary. Sooner or later? Imma get My next job, with better medical insurance, and making more money. [N: those irons are already in the fire]

So I pull up to the fuel dispenser thingy, tap My Costco credit card – Yes, I have a dedicated-for-Costco credit card; I get cashback rewards? – and the first question that pops up on the screen: “Do You want a car wash for $7.99?”

I barely pay attention to this question anymore, in Full Disclosure. If I want a car wash, I get one. If I don’t want a car wash, I don’t. But My IRL behavior? That’s completely different now.

In the beginning? This Ask triggered Me, because it reminded My SB that “I Am Poor And Cannot Afford…” in this instance, a car wash. Then – after My Come-to-Jesus meeting with TECH – I decided a more “equalized” approach was in order: Incorporating PASSION’s needs, too. Not just TECH’s needs.

And sometimes? PASSION is exhausted. PASSION needs some help. PASSION just “doesn’t feel like” breaking out the car washing crap outta the garage, and washing the car Myself. And drying it with a chamois so it doesn’t get all streaky. [N: My car is only 2 or 3 years old, but I’m not one of those guys who cleans it with a baby diaper, or Q-tips. As long as I can see out of the front window? I’m good loll]

So today just now I answered the question, “No Thank You” and proceeded to fill up My gas tank. $10 over My allotment for gas this week, but I can shave that off My groceries budget – I have enough food in My freezer right now, to tide Me over until I get paid in another week.

And then I go home.

I drive towards the gas station area exit, and make a right to get out of the Costco parking lot.

And here’s the Money Shot of this entire Story I’m telling You right now: If I want to? I could make a left. [N: “to the left, to the left…”] I could still go get My car washed, if I chose. My car is technically dirty enough to be washed, sure… but I wanted to get back home to officially punch out on time.

I do whatever the h#ll I want: “I am the only Boss of Me.”

. . .

Conner’s Comments: And this Concept confuses some TECH Folks, because I have a job and therefore do have a Boss-boss. But He’s not the Boss of *Me* – He is the Boss of My Work. And it’s irrelevant where I physically am, whether that’s working Remote or working in the office, because I would still get done in 3 hours and then be shopping on Amazon the rest of the work day. If He gave Me a special project? Of course I will drop whatever else I’m doing and Prioritize that right away. Because… I can always change My mind.

*mic drop

Imma guess, DR, just reading this headline probably triggers You. Why? Because simply typing those two words together like that? It triggers Me, too.

Who gets triggered? TECH. Because TECH is the one who wants to dictate to the literal World “how You should behave” in a functional Society. “If You just do exactly as I say, at All Times, Nobody gets hurt.” DUh!

This is TECH’s POV. Specifically, TECH “in a vacuum’s” POV. TECH – probably suppressing PASSION at this moment – and displaying a complete lack of Equilibrium.

But today’s Story isn’t about any of those details. [N: Another Story for Another day loll] Today’s Story is about… wait for it… “Auto-Pilot.”

*mic drop*

I probably just triggered You again. But just wait a minute. I promise, You’ll acquire some New data here. [N: My guess]

Auto-Pilot isn’t actually ‘Bad’ – it’s like Jessica Rabbit: “I’m not bad – I’m just drawn that way.” Auto-Pilot is perceived as Bad because of My Own Historical data: Since My SB focuses more on negative incidents over positive incidents – and I totally ‘get’ it – naturally when I recall Auto-Pilot Imma focus on all the times using A-P f#cked Me up. Makes perfect sense.

I will be telling more Stories in the Future about Auto-Pilot – that’s a huge Elephant to walk around – but this Story is mostly to piece out the Reply All situation.

Immediately, when I see the Reply All words? I think “Work.” [N: You’re Right!] And then I think about those zillion emails I get in My Inbox – which may or may not have anything to do with Me, specifically – because I am added to this or that distro List in My job. [N: still Right!] Which right off the bat already annoys/aggravates TECH, who is trying to get sh#t done and “too many emails” are distracting from the task at hand.

Then – because I can’t stop the deluge of emails – I start My Work day in Auto-Pilot.

Auto-Pilot is what’s “grabbing the wheel of the car” when TECH doesn’t need to “think” or process the How of driving the car. After I’ve learned to drive – and actually driven a couple times – TECH is like, *snaps fingers* “Got it!” And A-P takes over with the technically driving of the car… allowing TECH to now focus on Navigation: where am I going? How much time do I have to get there? TECH handles all of this junk – the schedule, the tools, etc. etc. [N: in this Hypothetical Scenario, the car itself – the machinery – is the tool used to “get there”]

So back to email. Because it takes TECH way too much time to go through every single email &  “figure out if this is a) important, b) relevant to Me, or c) contains some task I need to take care of”.. TECH hands that job off to Auto-Pilot. Because “if it’s important”? I’ll hear about it again, sooner or later, from My Boss or whoever. [N: this is literally the Boss’s job: to make sure the sh#t gets done]

Now, lemme tell You something about email, DR: My SB “doesn’t care” who is cc;ed – one Other Person or a hundred OP, it makes no difference to Me – because “I only care about Myself” in most cases. [N: other stuff & Other People I *do* care about? The Exception to this Rule]

And since TECH’s usual procedure for “getting an email” is to respond as quickly as humanly possible – so I can continue on with My day & My Life – Imma peripherally ‘see’ the cc:s, click “Reply All” [N: because knowing the Why all these Other People are cc:ed on this email is above My pay grade AKA “I don’t care”] and type My response to the question. And click “Send.”

Boom! Done. [N: TECH can now “move on”]

And if I am the First Replyer All of this email? I will now Influence all the Other Replyers after Me to also Reply All… because those Folks are also using Auto-Pilot.

Now, I’ve learned a few tricks of how to manage My Inbox. After the first couple times of getting any particular kind of new message, TECH reviews it closely to piece out how it affects Me, personally. If the email is FYI-esque? TECH creates a Rule to send Future emails with this Subject line to the Trash. If I get emails from another part of the company because I’m cc:ed as part of “The Billing Team” but the content has zero to do with executing My actual job on a day-to-day basis? Rule. Trash. If I get those emails that solicit for Catastrophic Requests for Me to donate My PTO to a Needy Someone? If I never have a huge PTO balance – I use My PTO the second I earn it – Imma create a Rule & send those emails to the Trash. Not because I’m “an unfeeling Monster” of that Needy Someone’s circumstances… but because I can’t do anything to help Them in this Context. [N: I never have any PTO to give away] Because in My Own Life: I have My Own needs that I am filling, using My PTO. I don’t have the luxury – or desire – to save My PTO up just to give it away to a Needy Someone. In My Own Life? I Myself am the ‘Needy Someone.’ loll

Yeah, I totally went off on a tangent there. But listen: I don’t hit Reply All & Send because I’m “stupid” or “I don’t know any better.” I hit Reply All because I have too many balls to juggle. I hit Reply All because TECH is trying to maximize My efficiency – AKA to “Not waste My Time” as much as possible, because I have a job to do here. And this job I do? It pays Me the dollars I need to buy food & keep the lights on.

“I Only Care About Myself.”

. . .

Conner’s Comments: A Future Story will tackle specifically why My Work struggles to get their phishing percentage down. *Spoiler Alert!* it also involves A-P.