Category: Raising My Offspring

My Adult Son is crashing with Me right now. This most recent Father’s Day, He picked up this book for Me while thrift-store browsing. [N: a pursuit I take credit for inspiring within Him during His formative years]

He’s being a Good Father to his daughter – trying to run the gauntlet of “Life’s Responsibilities” and never-ending To-Dos – but He still tries to Prioritize moments to “be present with Her” and “be there, IRL, for Her.”

He doesn’t get it air-quotes ‘Right’ 100% of the time.

But You know what I realized after awhile? My Own TECH evaluation of whether or not My Son is doing Fatherhood right isn’t for Me to say. And when I do say it? It’s My Opinion. And You know what they say about opinions, DR.

The only one who gets a vote on whether Me or anybody else is a “Good” Father? The Kid they are raising. The Kid they are providing for. The Kid they are making every effort to Connect with. To Support. To… share in their successes, and to embrace them in their pain, all the while saying those Magic Words:

“It’s All Gonna Be Okay. I Promise.”

. . .

Which, all this isn’t the Story I wanna tell right now. All this is the necessary Context for this Story. [N: loll]

Originally – upon being gifted this book however many months ago – I expressed My glee/joy/happiness for My Kid to witness it, and allow His SB the opportunity to acquire the data for His Own Files – AKA the Proof – that informs TECH that, “Dad is pleased. I made Dad feel happy. I did a Good Thing.”

Because that saying, “Seeing is Believing”? Accurate.

Fast-forward to the Current Day part of this Story. So as He was going about His Father-Daughter activities for the weekend, I brought the Tao of Pooh back to Him, and gave Him a bid. [N: recall that bids are optional, DR]

“I want You to write Me a message, here, so whatever happens – You level up before I do, for example – I will be rereading this message over & over & over again in that multiverse. For infinity.”

[N: there’s too many Seeds to pick out and detail right now, DR, so do the best You can, trying to piece it out on Your Own… sooner or later, maybe I’ll give You more]

And while initially He balked at the thought of this assignment – Kids always push back, when You give Them Something New – He did make Me a promise, that “before I leave for Home I’ll do it, Dad.”

And this Guy? This formerly-My-Own-Seed but now a fully-fledged Adult Human Being, that – IMHO – is Killing it with this Adulting BS?

He did Not disappoint.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: The first few pages of any book? This is for PASSION’s autograph. PASSION’s ideas. PASSION’s feelings… all poured out – distilled into – a brief, meaningful collection of very specific words in a very particular order.

Kinda like Life, eh DR? And don’t let Anybody tell You, DR, that signing a book on the inside page “decreases the value.” They are Wrong. The signature – the mark of one individual, never before seen Human Being that I am intimately Connected to? How much is that worth to Me, do You think?

Maybe in Hindsight?

If You are My Bestie, DR, and You start the conversation “Don’t tell Anybody, but…” That’s a tell You are gonna be revealing something… difficult. Or painful. Or embarrassing.

And – because of Our Connection AKA “relationship” – Imma prioritize “Keeping Your Secrets.” Why? Because I Love You, You Silly Rabbit!

I will default, with the ‘picking sides’ business. I will always pick Your side. From the get-go.

*Spoiler Alert!* But nothing obligates Me to stay on Your side.

As with Everything? “It All just Depends.” And it depends – per usual – on those pesky details. [N: TDiiTD]

If You just spent the weekend with Your Favorite Uncle, regaling Me of “all the fun stuff” You (You & FU) did together, that one time You ate ice cream for dinner, etc. etc? And then – Outta Nowhere!? – You slyly toss is this: “… and later, when He was helping draw My bath, He grabbed My privates…”

*mental grenade explodes*

Okay. Lemme clarify something, DR. Why would this MG explode in My Own SB? Especially if there’s no external excitement from My Bestie who is giving Me this new data? Why isn’t any mental grenades exploding in Her SB?

It may be. I may very well be pinging Her Own SB, too, but for the reason You might guess, DR. Playing Devils’s Advocate for a minute here, Imma guess that You think My Bestie’s SB is pinging because “She knows Adults touching My private parts = Bad.” And – if My Bestie is an Adult-sized Human Being? I will assume She does, in fact, have this data already. Which means She is seeking My Support, or My advice on what to do next.

But… what if She’s a Child-sized HB? What if She doesn’t have this data already, technically speaking. Or rather – and more likely – what if Her Own gut is screaming that “something is wrong in the state of Denmark” here, but She’s unsure? “Can’t put My finger on it,” so let Me call a Friend & validate this theory before I react?

If I am the Adult in this scenario, Yes, I would believe it is My job – AKA “My Responsibility” to tell Someone. Because Why? Because Little Shirley here? She needs HELP.

Little Shirley is testing Me, by being vulnerable with Me & revealing this data. LS wants to see if 1) I will help Her, and/or 2) If I can be trusted to “keep Her secret.” It’s a total Sophie’s choice IMO.

This is as far as I can take You, in this Conceptual AKA Hypothetical Scenario. Why? There’s too many ways it can go, IRL. As previously stated: I Don’t Have All the Answers to These Questions! But You can be damn sure of one thing: If – and when – I find Myself in this exact IRL situation? Imma deal with it then, in My Own way. [N: *Spoiler Alert!* I’m using the entirety of the data housed in My Own Invisible Library Files to do this IRL TECH evaluation… while balancing PASSION’s Needs for Little Shirley]

. . .

Conner’s Comments: TECH – when faced with an IRL situation where there is an extremely high level of emotions, usually negative – will say stupid sh#t like, “There’s good people on both sides…” This is how TECH avoids dealing with what’s right in front of Me. It’s a tell – it tells Me that the OP saying these words has an utter lack of Equilibrium for some UNKN reason. [N: Imma guess They were probably molested as a Child, or otherwise f#cked up – physically, figuratively, emotionally, whatev – in some way, during those Childhood years]

It’s also a Rookie mistake.

It’s My Son’s birthday this month.

He’s got a lot of balls to juggle these days, so I try to brainstorm new ways to “mess Him up,” meaning, pull Him out of His Life’s Auto-Pilot. As far as I’ve seen? Everybody needs help doing this from time to time. [N: and now that He’s a full-fledged Adult-sized Human Being? He’s got all the same worries, goals, agendas as His Old Man – including Wife & Kids]

I jump on Insta every so often, mostly to ping dopamine jolts in PASSION. My personal triggers? Cat antics, Quirky Stuff I Don’t Expect from otherwise “Normal People” – all that noise. It’s fun. It “takes the edge off.” It keeps Me… balanced in My Own IRL-Life. [N: otherwise I’d just go batsh#t crazy, running in circles all in My head all the time loll]

My Buddy Derek has a Insta page: soupygarbagejuice. Derek & I were virtually introduced by a mutual Acquaintance who sent Me one of Derek’s Reels for My birthday. And – outta nowhere – a Life-long Friendship was born. Conceptual Friendship, sure, but those details don’t matter. [N: to PASSION, anyways]

After copying/pasting the link into My Messenger Chat I have with My Kid, I clicked to re-watch it. Per TECH’s expectations, the Reel did Not disappoint.

But all of this is just Context for what this Story is about. “Patience is a Virtue” Right, DR? Don’t rush Me.. I’m getting to that part. [N: inch by inch, like a Gentleman]

My SB pinged for whatever UNKN reason: “The School Bully.”

PASSION started to imagine just how a normal, happy little Baby – like My Son started out; like every Baby starts out, IMO – got so f#cked up to grow up to be a School Bully. Or – to keep growing, if They don’t off themselves & a bunch of Other People at the school – They become a Mass Shooter, and go out in a Blaze of Glory. [N: not as a Phoenix, though, because IRL there’s no coming back from this particular Ending]

PASSION, *waves hand wildly* “ME! Pick Me!! I know the Answer!!??!!”

*Spoiler Alert!* PASSION doesn’t really air-quotes ‘know’ the Answer, because there isn’t any way to get Proof. But – and this is a big butt – TECH backs PASSION up here, because – in the words of My Soulmate Mr. Spock – “It’s completely logical.”

Nobody bothers to Connect IRL anymore.

School Bullies used to be the Exception, in My Experience. Now? They are the Rule. And looking at the bigger World out here? I totally get it. Can I blame “the Internet”? I could.. but then I’d look really stupid IMO. I’ve manifested the Internet as Freddy Kruger – a monster that kills Me in My dreams – and now? I am 100% a Victim. [N: I do this to Myself, FYI]

But back to My Story.

To “do it over again” – which means, if I had the power to take that purple crayon I’m holding, and rewrite the Universe’s Story here – I’d take these steps:

1. Assign one of the Adults working in My school – Principal? Counselor? Gym Coach? – that “most of the Kids look up to” AKA Connect with, in a positive way. [N: and Yes, it is incumbent upon Me to watch for clues to make sure this Person is not a TABI – spot checks, like random drug tests on the job]

• Using the Master List of “every Student’s birthday” – which is data on multiple forms already – I would have the Gym Coach dress up as a Clown, or Spiderman, or something cool to the Kids “right now” – and I would send the Birthday Kid a “singing telegram” to Their classroom.

• And finally? I would observe the Kid’s behavior. But not just the Birthday Kid, mind You: Imma observe every Kid in This Classroom. Who is giving Me eye-to-eye contact? Who is looking down, frowning? The external behavior could be anything, TBH.

And armed with this firsthand Experience data? I can ‘see’ who may need more Support. I can ‘see’ who is falling off a cliff into a Rabbit Hole –  not of the Kid’s own making, but one He can’t avoid – and I can Do Something. I can Do Anything.

I can Say Anything.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Yes, DR, We have All created a World – in Current Day – where now even a Teacher is an Enemy. On a good day, Teachers are viewed as “Suspicious.” But for Me, personally? It all boils down to Trust. If I don’t Trust You to have My Kid’s best interests? I will pull out My gun & shoot You through the door as You stand on My porch… and not think twice about it. If My SB perceives You as a Foe, an Enemy, a Bad Guy? That is the Reality that I will manifest externally.

You are Bad because I make You Bad. Just like a School Bully is made. smh

You know how “People Say” – first of all, Who are these People?!? Who Says?? And Why should I care?!?… – PASSION! “Come back to the light, come back…” There’s a Good Girl.

Ok, where was I? Oh Yes, I remember.

The oft-touted phrase in Current Day is, “Pretend Your Mother Is Watching.” And – My guess, here – is that well-meaning TECH Folks use this phrase to manage the Other Person’s behavior. The intent is for this Other Person – regardless of Who this OP is – to “make Good choices.” [N: I personally hate this phrase loll]

*Spoiler Alert!* They probably are gonna blow You off, DR. You are Not the Boss of Them. [N: all You are doing is pushing them underground… the iceberg below the water line]

But back to My Story.

The necessary Context: Imagine, DR, You are a Parent of a younger-than-legal Adulthood age Child. Let’s make You… “Mom.”

Okay! You are Mom, and Your goal is to teach this Kid how to “clean Their room.” it all sounds good in theory, right? Well, here’s where You probably are f#cking it up. “The best laid plans go awry” fits here.

It all starts out good – They are little Toddler-sized rugrats and “after We play with Our toys, We put them Away inside the toy box…” or wherever the toys are “put away” in Your House. [N: and No, I am not trying to subliminally make You go out and “buy a toybox”!? grrrr]

And You, Mom? You typically do this at least a few times, depending on how many balls You hafta juggle day in and day out.

So let’s now imagine some F#cker is tossing You more balls to juggle. [N: this is where that “Sh#t Happens” rears its ugly head]

Your TECH probably figures, “Little Billy knows where His toys get put away when He’s done playing with them…” so now You are just going to give LB the verbal directive AKA command. And… hope for the best. [N: this part? It’s called “Winging It”]

No, DR, I’m not ignoring the Devil. [N: AKA I’m not ignoring the Details AKA “the Context”, here]

But I’m here to point out to You that “You Missed a Spot.”

You, Mom, skipped a step for this Kid’s SB – an unimportant one in Your Own Adult-sized SB, agreed, but not in this Kid’s little, still-developing SB! You are 1) Not giving Him enough data, and 2) Not showing Him how to use it!

“But-But-But Conner!?? I TOLD Him where the TOYS get put away at!!”

Agreed, You did that much. But You don’t get any prizes, Mom, unless & until You “see it all the way through.”

Let’s jump into those details, now.

1. You played with Little Billy. [N: so far, so good…]
2. Then, You showed Little Billy “where the toys go” and added the necessary Context for Him by adding, “when We are done playing with Our toys, they get put away in the toy box.” [N: good, good. keep going…]
4.  When Little Billy fails to execute the desired behavior? Imma drop the hammer. [N: scream/yell/spank/punish etc. etc.]

See? You DID Skip a Step! Let’s go back to what fits in #3.

What didn’t You do that You should have, DR? You should have watched Little Billy execute the behavior.

Because You didn’t firsthand observe Little Billy “putting those toys away into the toy box” You have No Proof that He can do it correctly! DUh. I know You wanna just assume that He can do it, but You know ‘What They Say’ about assuming, right?

No, poor Little Billy isn’t a moron. He isn’t stupid. [N: And if You label Him verbally like this, You are doing Your Child a great disservice IMO]

He’s just… New.

Think about it. Maybe three or four years ago? This Kid did Not Even Exist, as a fellow Human Being – Child or otherwise – walking around on this planet! He came in as “a blank slate”! There is nothing – literally, nothing – in His Invisible Library yet!! [N: okay, maybe not nothing by now. But certainly, not as much data as You, DR, have in Your adult-sized Files]

Step #3 is basic. Here it is:

“After playing with the toys – right before You flip the pancake, Mom – I want You to tell Billy, ‘Ok! Now Imma let You put Your own toys away, okay Honey? Imma just sit over here, quietly, and watch You do it. To make sure You can do it on Your own without Mommy’s help from now on, Okay?’”

This last “Okay” is super KEY, because what You are doing here, DR, is asking for this Human Being’s Consent. If Little Billy responds like He’s fearful or afraid, it means He is not sure of Himself yet, and You have to flip Your Own SB into Support mode now – meaning, TECH hands the speaking stick to PASSION, and PASSION helps to self-soothe Little Billy. [N: even though Billy is not self-soothing, yet, don’t get caught up in the terminology – this is a TECH Rabbit Hole – because We need to clearly articulate what self-soothing is for Billy’s Future Adulthood]

Trust Little Billy in His behaviors, and in His verbal speech. He will let You know if “He’s got it.” He will let You know when “He needs Your Support.”

You? You just hafta be Loving Him enough to pay attention, Mom.

Good luck.

It’s a trick question loll.

Technically? Not even a question per se, but here’s My reason(s) for saying it.

1. You don’t actually know Me/see Me/Connect with Me IRL. So I remain but a “Conceptual Person” to You in Your IRL-Life, DR. Depending on the details – are You an Adult? Are You a Child? F#ck if I know! – Your TECH would process this data differently. [N: Kids! This is the Rule… and until You physically reach legal Adulthood status? There are No Exceptions to this Rule]

2. Even if You do know/see/Connect with Me IRL? You shouldn’t air-quotes ‘Trust Me’… at least, not yet. Not until You’ve acquired some mutual Experience data as We “hang out” with Each Other. The more data You acquire that Your TECH evaluates as “positive” – AKA “not questionable or suspicious” – the increased likelihood that You will be able to Trust Me, sooner or later.

3. I have a Theory [N: as yet an Unproven Theory] that legit TABIs – Trusted Adult(s) with Bad Intent – will pretend to be Safe. Meaning, TABIs act like a “wolf in sheep’s clothing. And if I – transform, usually suddenly if You are paying attention – am now a TABI? Imma pretend Everything is Fine. Imma act like Everything is Cool. Nothing to See, here.

So Me? I insist from the get-go, DR: I Am Not Safe, no matter how I look to You, physically/externally. No matter where We Connect – at daycare, at the grocery store, at Sunday church – and no matter Who I Am IRL – Brother-In-Law, Niece, Teacher, Doctor, Therapist, Priest, Policeman, Ice Cream Truck Driver-Guy, Hot Guy on the football team that goes to My High School, etc. etc.

For You, DR? AKA Mom? Or Dad? Watch My steps. Watch My movements. Acquire the IRL Experience data – and keep on acquiring it, infinity. Why? Because You only get one shot at this whole “Protecting the Children” thing.

“Never go against a Sicilian when Death is on the Line…” [N: PASSION “bwahaHAHAHA”]

I Never take chances, DR. I Always weigh Experience data over Conceptual data, in literally any circumstance or situation.

“Never go against Me when ‘Death of My Kid’ is on the line…”

You, DR, are speaking here. You are firing a warning shot over the bow, to Me & to Everybody Else. Full Stop.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Interestingly, this scene between Wesley AKA The Black Pirate and Vizzini is an excellent visual of TECH falling into a Rabbit Hole. Society refers to this as “analysis paralysis”… and this scene is KEY because it cautions the Watcher that if You ignore Equilibrium? Somebody’s gonna end up Dead. And Vizzini’s “Look over there!” ploy? Distraction. Classic loll.

As a Superfan of South Korea drama shows, SK [N: the IRL country] is “on My radar.” I notice, when stuff happens – AKA News articles come out/are posted on the Internet, or a televised report or some such nonsense – that the subject involves South Korea.

TECH has a few data points acquired already, collected in the Files.

1. South Korea’s Parents have an extreme focus on Education.
2. South Korea’s Students are offing themselves in frightening numbers.

I’m sure there are more relevant details, but it’s My Story so I’ll cry if I want to. [N: wait a minute?! WTF, PASSION! Focus!!]

Ok My bad. Sowwy! Lemme continue.

Within these two data points? I add My own perspective: First, that Parents the world over believe – inaccurately – that the more schooling One obtains, the more “successful in Life” One is. And two? I have a lot of intimate, firsthand knowledge of “suicide” – having tried it once Myself, having known Loved Ones Who tried – and succeeded – in doing it Themselves, and hearing ‘third degree burn’ Stories – My Buddy told Me about Their Buddy Who’s son Shay offed Himself, by hanging Himself from the tree in the backyard of Their Family Home. If I recall the Story correctly? Mom found His body.

So yeah, I always notice, when the subject turns to suicide.

And sooner or later? Because this is “something interesting to Me, personally” I start to notice when the subject turns to suicide… but no verbal words are being spoken.

Because *Spoiler Alert!* the signs are definitely there. The Person in question, who is thinking about offing Themselves? They are giving off signals, 100 guaranteed! – but, if I’m not looking for those signals – if I’m too distracted with BS & “not paying attn” – Imma miss them. And once this OP is successful? It’s Game Over.

It would be like if I – a Parent of a small Child, who is totally dependent on Me, Dad, for His very Life – if I spend all this Kid’s formative years neglecting Him, ignoring Him, not paying attention or noticing His behaviors, expecting Him to just magically “pull Himself up by His bootstraps” and “Handle Things” – Why? Because I handled things when I was His age? Because I “turned out allright?” If it aint broke, Why fix it??

“Dude. It’s broke! You just can’t ‘see’ it!” smh

But as long as I claim ignorance? As long as I “stay busy” in My pursuit of My Priorities – working for the Man, earning/spending gobs of money, trying to get a bazillion “likes” on Insta – then Everything’s Gonna Be Allright! Right?!?

No. The Kids are definitely Not air-quotes ‘Allright.’

I read something somewhere recently that “New & Improved Parental Controls on Social Media” blah blah just came out blah blah and TECH almost broke My arm, patting Myself on the back. This is a TECH Rabbit Hole, thinking “process” & “structure” and “money thrown at the problem” is going to magically fix the “People Issues.” Total Rookie mistake, with disastrous consequences. [N: and I say that, knowing full-well PASSION *hates* the word ‘consequences’ literally in any Context]

You know Why Kids can’t use their f#cking bootstraps? Because We’ve cut off Their feet!! They have No feet, No boots, No nothing! And We Adults are running around, giving Ourselves blow-jobs because We are just “so f#cking proud of all the hard work We are doing!” We Care, amiright?!? This is Proof, right?? Right?!?

No. We don’t Care. That’s obvious. We aren’t Right… that’s obvious, too. And We – the external World – haven’t reached our “Tipping Point” with any of this, yet, because the Children’s dead bodies keep piling up. And They will continue to pile up, until Somebody, Somewhere, pulls their f#cking Head out of their own A$$ and starts Planting the Right f#cking Seeds for the Right People, so We can get to work Influencing this World – yes, this external One, mentioned a few seconds ago – in the Right. F#cking. Direction.

There is only One Direction to go. And You already know which direction, DR, when You’ve hit rock bottom.

F#CK.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I can’t Save the World, and neither can You, DR. Free Will, eh? Yeah, FW is always the monkey in the wrench. But if You let TECH roll Your joint – TECH is All or Nothing, 24/7 – You are always just gonna keep being zoned out on that dirty mattress, looking for that next line of coke to take the edge off… and The World is Gonna Pass. You. By.

But hey! You do You, Buddy. I’m Not the Boss of You.

*mental grenade explodes*

“But-But-But Conner?! That’s Crazy Talk!?! “

Yes, DR, I agree with You. It Is air-quotes ‘Crazy Talk.’ All of My verbal speech is.

But – and this is a big butt – You think this because You, Friend, do not have any access to the inside of My head. You may not know, yet, why I am using these specific words in this specific order – those reasons are UNKN to You, and maybe always be TBH – but I am here to definitively state [N: for The Record] that there are reasons for literally everything I say out loud.

And You? It’s a matter of how good of a Guesser You are.

*boom*

I am exactly like a Child. No, I Am a Child. Children – as a Rule – start out PASSION-Primary [N: until the World starts f#cking Them all up AKA “Parents” usually] But this is what makes Me… “Special.” And No, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging My Own strengths… it’s actually mandatory, because then “how would I accurately identify My Own weaknesses? How would I know “what I need to work on?” DUh.

But back to My Story.

A Buddy of Mines recently came to crash at My Sanctuary, as My Guest. Him, and his Son. [N: approximately age 7 yrs, for the Audience]

My Buddy is a total TECH-brainer, through and through. It’s aggravating as f#ck to Me, personally, but I’m guessing it’s because TECH-Primary Folks are drawn to Me because – internally, sub-consciously – They seek “Equilibrium.” They ‘feel’  & ‘see’ & ‘sense’ that They are unbalanced, somehow, and want to smooth out the rough edges. I totally get it.

But, it takes a lot of My energy, TBH, to interact with Them IRL. I do so, willingly, sure… but it still takes energy. Just like it takes money to keep the lights on around here.

BB2MS. again.

My Buddy is a behavioral “Know-It-All” so I’ve already figured out – through Trial & Error – just pummeling Him with Conceptual data does nothing to balance Him out. And so, I had to tweak My Own process and figure out a better way to allow Him to acquire the necessary data in such a way as to “trick” His SB. A way to get past His manifested roadblocks.

“I had to build a Better Mousetrap.”

A bunch of times, My Buddy’s Auto-Pilot kicks in, and TECH verbally “rejects” what I am communicating right now, but like a Good Chicken I “keep pecking at it.” Because My highest Priority is usually “the Relationship” so I will actively & with full awareness sacrifice other wants/desires to achieve My most important goal in that moment.

But here’s what Mike isn’t aware of… And here’s Why I’ve already “Won.”

I don’t say anything I say, out loud, because I need You to agree with it, DR. I say everything I say – and I do everything I do – for the Audience. If We (You & Me) are “out in Public” right now? You are not the only Watcher of My antics. You are not the only Listener of My Stories. The Entire World is Watching.

And so I know that when I say or do something, whoever is IRL-AKA-physically “Present” when I am doing or saying it? All the SBs within distance will acquire the data, automatically. It’s just My SB, functioning as designed.

I don’t need to know or care Who is Listening. Why? Because I know what I am saying & Why I am saying it… and I trust in the Universe enough to know that when You, specifically DR, need to ‘get’ it? You will… probably In Hindsight.

*BOOM*

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I can tell whenever I am Connecting with any OP, IRL, where on the Equilibrium spectrum They are, in Current Day. And then I know how to “deal with Them,” tweaking My Own process & gathering New mutually-acquired interpersonal relationship Experience data as We go along.

But in case You are wondering, DR, Why I don’t keep updating the Nomanclature page on this-AKA-My website? It’s because these terms aren’t relevant – unless You are reading the actual Story they pertain to. That part of the Story hasn’t been written yet. It’s potentially Context that “isn’t needed” and so I’ve learned not to let the cat outta the bag prematurely. Too many details ruins a good Story… and Me? I am All about the Storytelling.

There are quite the collection of sayings for this:

“Trying to corral the Kittens”

“The Blind Leading the Blind”

“DO as I Say, Not as I DO”

And – they all have something in common: Who, exactly, is speaking.

Imma give You the Answer, DR, but You know if You knew the answer before reading My Answer – that’s how fast Your SB jumps, after all –

So if You were ‘Right’ then Yayy! [N: I won’t know either way, if You are in fact lying to Me, so Imma assume You already knew the Answer on account You’ve been “paying attn”]

TECH. TECH is speaking here. What’s the clues? Well, the motivation is “trying to control Someone Else’s behavior.” That’s a big one. Also, observing through “tunnel vision” misses vital Context data, and this overabundance of the attitude, “I am Right 100% of the Time, so You – Mere Mortal, Pee-On, Kid – should listen to ME!!” [N: the word “should” is always a tell]

Whereever I am and no matter what I am doing? TECH thinks I am the Boss. That I Know Best. That I am “Large & In Charge.” Maybe because of the professional role I fill in Real Life – Teacher, Doctor, Coach, Nuclear Physicist, Priest, or the President of the United States – or because I know [N: because I went to school a bunch & have multiple degrees & junk] that I am “extremely well educated.”

Not So Fast.

You know that saying, “a Big Fish in a Small Pond”? It applies, here.

Here’s the thing about Conceptual data: It’s Great! – In Theory. It all makes perfect sense in My head!? How does it all go so horribly, horrifically Wrong all the time?!?

Imma tell You Why, DR. It never works according to what TECH thinks & expects, because it usually involves Other People… and those Other People? Those separate, distinct, individual, unique, quirky Human Beings running around out here? They don’t follow My Script.

*mental grenade explodes*

And – because I know what You are thinking – No Buts! TECH wants the details to matter, here, but In Reality? As opposed to Theory? The Details Don’t Matter. It’s My Kid, it’s My Direct Report, My Student, My Aged Parent, My Patient, My Kid’s Teacher, etc. etc. Infinity? Who this Other Person is IRL does Not Matter.

I Am Not the Boss of Anyone – Not Any of These Other People – I Am only the Boss of Myself. [N: Full Stop]

But for this Story – I’m burning daylight, here, loll – let’s zero in on “the blind leading the blind.”

Conceptually? This is Every Human Being, You included, DR. [N: “Thou doth protest..”] Nobody, Living or Dead, knows What The F#ck they are doing!?! And before You try to counter with, “Jesus did! God does!!” or whatever else You use to self-soothe, Imma say to You this: believe what You want. But IMO? It’s a Rookie mistake to answer any IRL question with a Conceptual answer… and air-quotes ‘Religion’ is all about Conceptual answers. [N: and that’s All religions – the details don’t matter in this Context]

My visual for this saying is the 5 Blind Guys around the Elephant. It’s one of My faves, and Why I use it so often when telling a Story.

Here’s My question, though: Why are these 5 Guys “Blind”? Were they born blind? Did they start out being able to see, but got into a 5-car pile-up along the way?? “Inquiring Minds Wanna Know.”

And this could totally turn into a Rabbit Hole, if I let it. [N: Rabbit Holes have the same effect as running on a hamster wheel – faster & faster but never getting anywhere]

So lemme start tweaking, now. This is My Story – I’m the Story-teller – so Imma tell it the way I want to tell it.

In My SB? These 5 Blind Guys aren’t permanently blind; They are all just wearing blindfolds. My blindfold was tied onto My face as a Teensy Tinesy Baby, by My Parents. And as I crawled around – first, in My crib, then in My house, then outside – school, college, work, marriage, having offspring of My Own, etc. etc. – I just used the same dance card I was given. Why recreate the wheel, anyways? “Mother Knows Best” right?

Sure… In Theory.

But when I have an IRL Experience that creates a variance to the Conceptual data in TECH’s Files? That blows up the Invisible Library. I start questioning All the data I’ve acquired… and either I do drugs, become an Alcoholic, live homeless on the street, soothe Myself with having a bunch of Babies – whatever works for Me – I burn up in flames. Never to be seen again.

Now, sure. I can totally go out in a “Blaze of Glory”… but it’s a huge waste of an otherwise Potentially Good Life. I mean, I’m totally guessing, here – I have no Proof to guide Me, IRL – so Imma Wing It: Imma try to manifest the sh#t out of everything I imagine, everything I hope for, dream for, wish for… and find Myself a Pony.

“Riding off into the Sunset…” That saying applies here.

*mental grenade explodes*

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Parents are confused when I say that Kids are the Boss of Themselves. It’s counter-intuitive, but Your Kid is just on loan to You, DR. You don’t air-quotes ‘own’ Them, or Their SB. And if You don’t flip the pancake at the right time – the Kid gives their own tells, that They are “ready” for the Big Leagues – if You don’t loosen the grip on Them? Probably when They hit age 13 they will AKA are gonna disConnect from You. They won’t get to physically leave yet, true, but You’ve already lost the plot. If You think “it just happens” it’s My turn to counter: This is a tell that You are 1) close-minded and 2) engaging in Victim behavior. Stop. STOP It! You still have time, to pull Your nose up before You crash into the earth/crash & burn.

You can only manifest firsthand, for Yourself. Your SB does it, inside Your Own head. Your Kids? You need to air-quotes ‘teach this same lesson to Them,’ first, while They are still listening to You. But that means You gotta learn it first, Mom.

I Love Stories! I recall – back in the olden days – hiding under the covers, flashlight in one hand, book in the other hand – and escaping from the IRL torment of My Life. [N: as a Child, with zero control over all the various levers]

It’s also how I first became aware of PASSION – it’s usually always PASSION that is driving the car, when I am being self-soothed. [N: but that’s Another Story for Another day]

Why do I want You, DR, to tell Me a Story? For a couple reasons. First? It let’s TECH acquire new, UNKN-to-Me-prior data to flesh out My Files. Second? It let’s PASSION Connect with You. Learn Who You are. Feel… closer to You.

But here’s the Why AKA The Bottom Line.

I Love when You tell Me a Story, DR, because You Trust Me.

Yeah, I know I know. Counter-intuitive. “How do these dots connect, Conner?!” Well, I consider Story-telling to be a “Trust” thing because You, DR, are sharing “intimate details about Your Own Real Life” with Me – a complete separate Human Being to whom You “owe Nothing” to.

So to do this kind of vulnerable reveal involves Trust.

I tell My Stories about My Own Personal IRL History here, now, because I trust You to keep My secrets. Are there any guarantees that You will? Nope. If We are Connected IRL – and You know where I work, where I live, the church I attend – You could totally “rat My out” or explode actual bombs in My IRL Foxhole. You could point a hypothetical gun at Me, and shoot Me. Dead.

And TECH would “justify” doing it. Because “Conner needs to behave” or “Conner needs to conform” or “Conner shouldn’t be rocking the boat.”

It’s TECH’s Rookie mistake. [N: and a tell, of Not enough internal Equilibrium]

But again, I air-quotes ‘forgive’ TECH for thinking like this – it’s just how He’s drawn; He’s not really ‘Bad’ per se – because I’m still aware of the “I am Not the Boss of You” Rule.

But back to My Story.

One of My very first “under the covers” Stories I read, Historical documents-speaking? Charlotte’s Web. At first? I identified with Wilbur. Then, Fern. Then, the Geese. And finally, Charlotte. Thinking about each of these Characters – and what specific data Their Own unique perspective(s) revealed to Me – gives Me chills on My arm to this day.

Why could Fern ‘hear’ the all the Animals ‘talking English?’ Was Fern air-quotes ‘Crazy’? Was Fern a Psycho? A Sociopath? Was it all in Fern’s head, meaning “Fern is just imagining all of this?” Sure, TECH, but You are obviously not “suspending Your disbelief” right now – and that means “You are missing the Plot.”

*mental grenade explodes*

First there was radio.. then TV… and now – in Current Day – We have the Big Baddie “the Internet.” But radio doesn’t really “count” technically speaking, because radio didn’t have any visuals to it – just like when any Other Person tells Me a Story: All I can do is ‘listen’ to the words They are using. And PASSION “imagines the visuals” on My Own.

And then TV shows up, and now TECH is all “up in arms” that “don’t leave Kids watching TV 24/7!?! Only “Bad Parents” do that!!” again, TECH is missing the Plot. It’s not that TV itself [N: or even watching TV] is inherently bad. Just like the Internet is not inherently bad. It’s just a tool, that serves up visuals to My SB. Similar to a gun, that Ends a physical Life – be that a Human Being, or a Cat, or a Deer, or what-have-You.

So if You, DR, have ever used the justification, “Guns don’t Kill People, People Kill People” then I would turn it right back on You: “The Internet is not the Culprit… the Culprit is the People.”

Everything TECH thinks is Bad in this World is because there are “People” with fingers in the pot. And as the saying goes, “too many Cooks in the Kitchen ruins the Soup.”

If I am worried about My Kid who’s gonna get in to trouble – get hurt, get damaged, get broken, or get killed – on the Internet? Well, it seems obvious to Me, but Imma give My Kid reasons to *not* go on the Internet!? DUh. Why is He going there? I dunno exactly – I’m Not inside His head, and I haven’t asked Him verbally, yet – but here’s My guess: My Kid is on the Internet because Real Life is hard! It’s tough! And – a lot of the time – it’s “sh#tty” and “no fun!” Which *Spoiler Alert!* points to PASSION.

PASSION has unMet Needs, and the Internet is a Reasonable Substitute for Me – the Dad in this Story – spending time w/ My Son, Connecting with Him, giving Him a “Safe Space” to be vulnerable with Me, share His thoughts/wishes/dreams with Me.

So what came first? “The Chicken?… or, the Egg?”

I want My Son to Tell Me His Stories… and He’s only gonna do that if He Trusts Me.

/CR

. . .

Conner’s Comments: My Son is now an Adult. We both are! And as such, We are both super busy, “living Our Best Lives.” That’s how this Game is played, eh? But I will send Him a bid, periodically, when PASSION pings His Name in My SB. Or the reverse happens. [N: His PASSION pings, and He messages Me] And We (He & Me) reConnect, get caught up, and tell Each Other Stories. The “latest episodes.” I’ve learned to Never Ignore PASSION’s pinging, because for all I know? He needs My help. My emotional Support. He’s struggling – with His job, with His marriage, He’s in a Rabbit Hole, etc. etc. – and shipwrecked boat is seeking My lighthouse for guidance. I Connect with Him, because I never know if that’s going to be the Last Time I Ever Connect with Him… that part of the Story isn’t written yet.

Imagine, for a moment, We are sitting in a classroom.

I am the Teacher, and You, DR, are My bright-eyed & bushy-tailed Student. It’s First Grade.

“Okay, class! Imma give You a bunch of data for You to be a successful, self-sufficient Adult, years from now…”

“I am the Teacher, so I have All the Knowledge: I Know Everything. I Am A God! I Am Your God!” Sub-text: And by virtue of My position in Your Life? You have to do whatever I say… or I will Punish You.

“You – on the other hand – are the Student. A little, know-nothing Kid. You weren’t even alive 20 minutes ago, so You know literally nothing: Your mental Files are empty.

“You Are Stupid!” This Seed is being Planted in My Own SB as well as this Kid’s. I will never ‘see’ any Student of Mine as “worthy.” I will always ‘see’ these Kids as “less than.” And the Kid? They will always see Themselves as unworthy & less than, too.

Wow. Just.. wow. Not only am I a Sh#tty Person, I am suck-@$$ Teacher! smh

But, since I am Not the Boss of Anybody but Myself, I really don’t care what Anybody Else does when wanting to “teach” a lesson to any Other Person “who doesn’t yet know any better.” [N: and the reason They don’t know any better isn’t because They are ‘Stupid’ – They just lack enough acquired data to understand the Concept, yet]

And so I’ve learned – mostly in Hindsight, some by watching Other People model this behavior for Me – that the best way to ‘get’ the Kid to acquire the necessary data is to “Meet Them Where They Are.” Start there, Stupid.

How do I do this? Well, I don’t speak from My Own Perspective, first of all: Telling a Child “You’ll need this data when You are an Adult” is meaningless, because this Kid, literally, is not yet an Adult! So it’s all fine & good to share Concepts, but if I don’t connect this Conceptual data to anything in this Kid’s Current Day Life? They aren’t gonna ‘get’ it.

“I’m gonna show You [N: modeling behavior] how to make New Friends [N: every Kid wants to make lots of Friends, especially at the beginning] and have fun/be happy/don’t get in trouble with Mom & Dad, etc. etc.”

I can say whatever I want, here. But I have to link it to Their Own Experience in this moment. Or it won’t help Them IRL.

“I know Mom & Dad help You take Your bath – You take off Your clothes, they fill the tub with water – and You jump in so You can get clean & fresh-smelling & go to bed to sleep comfortably.”

“But Nobody Else can see You without any clothes on…” – Wrong. The Doctor has to.

“Only Mom & Dad are allowed to see You naked…” – too vague. This is True – to a point. For all I know? Dad is molesting this Kid. In which case this data I’m giving Them is variant to the data in Their Own mental Files. But not because of what I just said. The variance already exists… but Me verbalizing this statement is pinging this Kid’s SB – because the Kid’s Gut is telling Them “Dad sticking his fingers in My @$$hole is Bad!” but also there’s data in the “Dad” File that says “My Daddy Loves Me… Daddies Love Their Children.” This – THIS! – is the variance that exists. But Me – the external Other Person – can’t see that data: it’s UNKN to Me right now.

But I totally went off on a tangent. This isn’t actually the Story I wanted to tell right now loll.

Since the possibilities are endless – I can’t give You a script, DR – the best I can do is give You a few tips.

1. What is the message I am trying to give this OP right now?

• Am I using words or hypothetical scenarios that They will understand, given Their physical age & developmental capability?

• If They are an Adult & “are clueless” then this tells Me they lack the relevant data in the Files – either “Their Parents didn’t Teach Them Right” or for whatever other UNKN Reason. The Why isn’t important right now – just that They don’t  have the data… so I will calmly present it to them. And They can “Take it of Leave it.”

Here’s the Rule for sharing Ideas with Other People: “I Don’t Need Them To Agree With Me!” I just need to make the data available to Them. In Reality? I don’t give a f#ck if They believe Me or Not: It’s Their Life. They are the Boss of Their Own Life. So whatever choices/decisions They make is all on Them.

“If You are happy with the results? That’s all that Matters.”

I’ve found that when I remove the “You Must Believe Me I Am A God And Know Everything” requirement from My SB? Other People are much more receptive to what I have to say.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: It’s taken Me the majority of My Life to become accustomed to the feeling of being triggered, in TECH mostly, because “OP don’t just immediately agree with Me.” Something that helped was for Me to switch the Actors around: Do I immediately just agree with any Other Person? Hell No. Because I – like every Human Being – has different data in My Own mental Files. DUh! [N: in Hindsight now, it’s So Obvious loll]