Category: Welcome to My World

I’m smarter than You are giving Me credit for. But whatev – there is No Test, so technically I don’t seek credit from You… or Anybody Else, for that matter.

Here’s the missing pieces, DR. The blanks in the MadLibs.

You – from the outside – don’t see the billions of Files inside My Invisible Library. You only ‘see’ what books I “let You check out.” You only acquire the data – about Me, personally, and My IRL Life – that I Consent to reveal to You. And after “getting burned” enough times? I finally figured out – after many proverbial bricks to the head – to quit sticking My fingers into the flame. Or even… to not turn the pilot on. Or sometimes even? To stay outta the f#cking Kitchen.

But all those are details that may or may not apply.. until 1) I Connect with You, and 2) I recognize the Context of the situation.

Here’s a tip, DR: Keep It To Yourself.

This means that when I am out & about Connecting with any Other Person – AKA ‘Random Human Beings’ or any variety or classification – If I am walking down the street & happen to catch a glance of a woman walking towards Me in the other direction… and she has got “an awesome set of tits”… I’m just gonna smile at Her. [N: assuming She Herself consents to that connection by giving Me eye-to-eye contact] Otherwise? I’m gonna look down at the ground as I walk by, a smile on My face because I am imagining burying My face in those jugs – and doing a motorboat – and none of these thoughts hafta be expressed externally. Why? Because first & foremost? “Self- Preservation.”

I only care about Myself, so the last thing I am gonna do is give any OP air-quotes ‘Proof’ that I am checking out Your tits! DUh. [N: I’m not a total idiot]

That’s probably Why I am such “a Happy Person” by a Reasonable Observing Person’s standards: I don’t willingly give Anybody enough rope to hang Me with. So.. Win-Win!

I recall a joke from ages ago, where this old Lady goes to the Doctor. As She is Connecting – PASSION is present, clearly – She says to the Doc, “I’ve been farting this entire time, but You can’t hear it & You can’t smell them!” And the Doctor just smiles – probably while looking down momentarily – and He leans over and does his Doctor-y magic… and all of sudden? The Lady is like, “WTF is that horrible smell?!”

Because the Doc just did something to Her sinuses that were obviously clogged or something – the Lady’s own words gave the Doc a clue as to “where to look” – and then the Doc says, “Now, let’s take a look at Your hearing…”

. . .

And that’s why this joke is so funny to Me loll. Even recalling it now – as I type this Story for You – it brings a smile to My face.

But the Money Shot? It wasn’t what the old Lady was saying or doing… it was what the Doctor Himself was saying & doing.

Could He have “shamed” Her? Yes. But… He chose to do something else.

Could He have lost his patience, and just did his Doctor “wham bam thank You Ma’am” stuff on her? Yes. But… he chose to do something else.

Could He have tried to Boss her, critique her behavior, saying something like “You shouldn’t just fart whenever You want… what will Other People think/say?” Sure He could have… but he didn’t.

Here’s the point I’m trying to make: I always have a choice. I always have options in how I respond. The external World will try its damnedest to keep Me agitated, triggered, upset, and traumatized – and for awhile? I’ll jump into a Rabbit Hole so I can smooth off the rough edges – but after I’ve expressed out all these feelings? Imma re-engage… and tweak My Own process.

One last thing: I am known the World over by My smile. It’s the first thing People see, when We Connect loll.

PSA: There are a Lot of Stupid People in this World.

No, really! Not any of Your People, DR. Not in My Herd, either. Well.. I take that back: I do have a few Stupid ones, skulking around the edges. I toss them a bone every so often, because I feel sorry for them.

They are gonna feel really stupid later on, in Hindsight.

But hey! I “did My part.” I paid My dues. I got My nose bloodied, a black eye or two… and now? In Current Day? I am way more discriminating – AKA “selective” – about whom I choose to waste My limited time on, IRL.

And I’m allowed to decide this, for Myself. I am the Boss of Myself, and there’s No Test. And Nobody ever got fired for saying “I don’t know.” [N: that’s a trick for the Smart People – if You find Yourself in a toxic work environment, especially after a long time of “picking up everybody else’s slack?” Just start acting dumb. [N: that way they leave You in peace while You look for Your next job loll] “When in Rome…”

Here’s another example of Stupid: this saying, in the title of this Story. This doesn’t mean My decision-making is flawed; I have to make mistakes to learn anything relevant in My Own Life – which I can’t learn by osmosis. But what Stupid Does is “open My mouth & reveal” that I, personally, lack the same data in My Files as You have in Your Files, DR… but instead of letting You Plant Seeds for Me, and Me quietly percolate on them for awhile? Imma open My big f#cking mouth & attack” You. For daring to think differently than Me. For daring to create variances in TECH’s data – because that sh#t hurts My SB. [N: “growing pains”] And any @$$hole Who “hurts Me” in any way, shape or form – regardless of the air-quotes ‘reason’ – is gonna get their @$$ kicked.

You may think it’s PASSION that is being triggered, but No: It’s TECH being triggered here. PASSION is just the heavy, holding the proverbial bag. PASSION is just the one that starts punching & kicking & screaming & fighting. But TECH started it. Why? Because the Other Person is giving Me – TECH, specifically – more data that is “foreign” to My current understanding of this Concept that We (You & Me) are talking about, right now. So it’s technically not a “difference of opinion…” it’s a difference of the data in Our Files that’s causing the conflict.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Everything I explain here, DR? Makes sense to Me, in My Own SB. If You “think about it” differently? You are Right. [N: AKA Not Wrong] I’m merely trying to give You a starting point – similar to Franklin Covey time management class. The FCTM Folks taught Me how their cool time management binder was intended to be used – Conceptually – and then cut Me loose at the end of the class: “Use this binder however You want. Make it Your Own.” You won’t hurt My feelings, I swear! [N: and as You know, I have zero problems swearing loll] And one more thing: Your personal Experience data, DR? That data – when You share it – is still sort of Conceptual data to Me. [N: i.e. it didn’t happen to Me, firsthand]

I don’t think You are Stupid, DR. I think You are… close-minded.

“First & Foremost? I Love You. I Love You More than Life Itself.”

“Do You Pi$$ Me Off most of the time? Yes. YES! A thousand Times, Yes!! But… I forgive You, always and forever.”

“Even though Your doing something, saying something that’s causing Me to feel a great deal of pain, either physically, emotionally.. whatev. Those detalis aren’t relevant.”

“But make No Mistake: Even though I will take this Secret to My grave? I will always Prioritize My Relationship with You, Kid… and don’t think for a minute, DR, that I don’t mean You – AKA “the Random Human Being reading this, right now, in this very moment” – because You’d be Wrong. I mean YOU, too. Blood-related?!? Pish-Posh. You go back in the Story far enough, wasn’t Adam’s Rib used to create Eve? Yeah, that.”

“I fashioned You in My Own image, eh? That’s the rumor, anyways. You won’t ever get any Proof because… *snaps fingers a couple times* what’s that saying? “Beliefs Don’t Require Proof”? Yeah, Imma guess that’s accurate.”

“Me? I only had 4 historian-type Guys – I call Them ‘My Besties’ – to work with at the time, to help document My Life Story… and Each from their Own individual perspective(s), You notice – which is Why some of these details conflict with some of the other details in The Book. I mean, “a Broken Clock is still right twice a day, amiright??” I should really come back for a Do-Over, now that Internet has been manifested… I could do some serious damage with this tool.. But  – and this is a big butt – don’t sign Me up for ‘getting crucified’ this time; that was by far the worst part of My visit smh.”

“This Book I left for You? It was meant to just ‘get You started’… I was hoping/Trusting that You would figure it all out. True, true – I was winging it, Myself, when I did all that moon, stars, creation business – but in My Own defense, I was still a creation Virgin at the time!?! cut Me some slack!” [N: You like how I threw in that whole ‘virgin’ AKA ‘first time having sex’ thing? that pure genius if I do say so Myself.. talked about “Planting a Seed” Muthaf#ckers!]

“And One More Thing: Take everything You see, everything You hear? Thomas? That Guy was onto something, TBH. [N: and see?? He, too, got stuck with OP’s labels] Take it with a grain of salt. Never forget: those other Human Beings? Also ‘Mere Mortals.’ Nobody knows what I know. It’s for Me to know, and You to find out loll.”

But whenever You find Yourself stuck in any Rabbit Holes or all other manner of f#cked up sh#t is happening to You IRL? Remember this Most Important Thing:

“It’s all Going to Be Okay. I Promise.”

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Everything is A Lesson. Literally, Everything. Either “I’m learning a lesson” -or- “I Am the lesson”… and some Other Person is learning it. But with all due respect, DR: don’t assign any of Your SB’s labels onto IRL Me. I hafta consent to that kind of stuff. And in this instance? I Do Not consent: I’m just *playing* God… that’s Why Folks call Me “a Playa.” **runs off cackling**

There’s probably more than one thing – so, My use of ‘singular’ is a little misleading, maybe – but this number changes over Time, kinda like the tides change at the shore of the ocean. It’s… Nature. “Human Nature.” That’s My guess, anyways.

So, there’s one thing that’s been on the tippy top of My List for awhile now: I Hate Wasting Food. Specifically. Not the more general phrase – “looking at You, TECH!” – of “I hate food being wasted” because that’s just TECH manifesting a Rabbit Hole – it’s a waste of My (limited) Time to worry about the air-quotes ‘total global percentage of food waste’ because Why? Because I Don’t Care – I can’t do anything about Anybody Else’s behavior or choices, and if I go all Hamster-Wheel on it, Imma waste all My time/energy for other more important sh#t.

I Can’t Save the World: I’m Not God.

. . .

But – and this is a big butt – I can take care of Who I really only care about, which is “Me. Myself. I.” Again, TECH tries to proclaim, “I can only count on Myself!” Which, true… but only to a point. It Depends… on what My goal is at the time. So this Rule of “caring only about Myself” can change – there are Exceptions to literally every Rule, after all – depending on the circumstances. Depending on the IRL situation. Depending on… the Context.

Here’s an example pulled from My IRL-Life this past week.

My G/F Agnes recently manifested a Life-long dream: To buy a house. Agnes has verbalized this dream, on & off, for literal years & years. So when this cheese finally dropped [N: after hitting that f#cking lever over & over for infinity] Agnes’ train finally reached the end of that tunnel & now, in Current Day? Proud Homeowner!! Yayy, A. “So, so happy for You!! You deserve it! You ROCK!”

But this Story? It’s not about Agnes. It’s about Sonny.

Upon hiking it over to see Agnes’ new abode – it felt like seeing a newly-born Baby, tbh [N: PASSION was super thrilled at the “See New House” adventure, all the more so because of the ‘Connecting with My Herd’ detail], Agnes treated Us (Her & Me) to Korean BBQ. [N: PASSION Loves KBBQ – I’m guessing due in part to the excessive watching of SK drama shows… but also the food is super tasty, and fun to prepare: “cooking on a hot plate in the middle of the actual table]

I knew right away that Sonny is My Soulmate.

How did I know? By His behavior and his speech. [N: *Spoiler Alert!* that’s how I know stuff about Every Human Being on this planet loll] Sonny smiled, playfully bantered with Us, laughed at My jokes, frequently returned to Our table to “check on Us” – all the way from ‘first drink order’ to “do You want matcha ice cream or strawberry cheesecake ice cream for dessert?” – so Me? A million dopamine jolts during that entire meal.

So, we get to the End. [N: the end of consuming all the meat & pork belly & baby squid & stuff] There was still several pieces of cooked meat on the grill that neither Agnes or Myself could consume. [N: sure, I’m a Poor Person & always on the look-out for food… but I still have My Physical Body limits]

I know the air-quotes ‘Rules’ of Korean BBQ. They are the same rules as for AYCE Sushi joints. Officially: “No Taking A Doggie Bag.”

And yet – TECH knowing full-well what ‘the rules’ are – PASSION still asked the question:

“I don’t suppose I can take these leftovers with Me?” *smiles sweetly… or, conspiratorially* [N: It Depends loll]

Sonny returned My smile, and looked directly into My eyes. [N: a tell! I’m Connecting with PASSION!!] “Officially – emphasis on this spoken word – ‘No…’… BUT…”

And the rest of this discussion is off the record. I will reveal, however, as I was agonizing to Agnes how “I would Die” for a piece of foil… all-of-a-sudden Outta Nowhere? A small square of foil magically appeared at the very end of the table We were still seated at.

[N: PASSION – “It’s a KOREAN BBQ MIRACLE!?!]

Tons of dopamine jolts. Seriously.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: And DR? I know full well that a lot of Folks would consider tipping to be the air-quotes ‘appropriate’ method of expressing One’s Gratitude for a well-prepped/delivered meal. We (Me & Everybody Else) can Agree to Disagree. First off, I wasn’t paying the bill here. So (technically) this avenue of “showing My appreciation” was closed off to Me, personally. Tipping? That’s all fine & good – but it’s TECH’s way, not PASSION’s way. And in My Kitchen? PASSION gets the biggest piece of the pie.

And in the Context of that saying? AKA “The meaning that it is intended to convey?” I agree. TECH’s evaluation: This Saying is 100% Accurate.

But – and this is a big butt [N: AKA TDiiTD] – while I can agree, here, I categorically disagree that it requires “a thousand words” to visualize a picture in My SB.

I can pretty much ‘see’ You, DR, within the first few minutes of Connecting with You, talking to Each Other.

“Why? How? WTF?!”

Because I’m watching You. “Every move You make, every step You take… I’ll be watching You.” You see, You were already “on My radar” before I even went to talk to You. PASSION was pinged, somehow, for some UNKN reason. And TECH – pretty much instantaneously – created a File for You, in the Invisible Library. And is now busily acquiring data on You. *scribbles furiously*

That’s Why I can gauge Your worth in a very short – relatively speaking – period of Time.

But here’s where the Devil makes an entrance: Do I keep Connecting with You? Do I keep “showing up?” Technically, does My external behavior continue with respect to You, DR?

That’s for Me to know and You to find out.

The IRL Experience data still goes into the File… and TECH still evaluates this data, pretty much constantly. But! Here’s the Rub: I hafta give TECH the Executive Direction to *always weigh the IRL Experience data as More Important than the Conceptual data”… or TECH will fall into a Rabbit Hole with evaluating stuff.

Here’s a Hypothetical Example: If I just consume a steady diet of Faux News 24/7 – their goal being “trigger the Watcher to get Them to keep tuning in so I can justify My six-figure paycheck” – and spend day-in-day out, stroking My Own d#ck while PASSION imagines all sorts of horrors – PASSION is really, really good at this – then the next time some IRL-black Kid ends up on My doorstep [N: directionally Lost, asking for directions, whatev] then My SB is gonna scream at Me: “Shoot First! Ask Questions Later!?!”

But this is a Rookie mistake.

Something IRL triggered My SB to 1) get scared, 2) blow past TECH’s evaluation of all the data in My Files, and 3) I’m now Judge, Jury, and Executioner.

And yeah, DR. I don’t need to say any more about all the various ways this can go wrong. “I thought it was a Good Idea at the time?!…”

Lemme Plant a Seed for You, here & now: We – all of us Human Beings ‘We’ – have designed this World [N: on purpose] because Why? Because We are a “capitalistic Society.” And what this means for the cheap seats in the back is that the primary goal of Most People & Most Systems is to reach into My back pocket & take the money out of My wallet. Full. f#cking. Stop. [N: You may think I’m triggered, DR, but I’m not… Just tryna make a point]

Think about it. Everything You see on TV, on the Internet, Every article You read, or News report You watch – it’s all designed to trigger My SB in some UNKN way, for Somebody’s UNKN agenda.

And it’s hard – PASSION: “that’s what he said!” – to Not rise to the bait. I totally get it.

But before You start punching a hole in the wall, before You shoot that next line of coke or down that next shot of tequila? Before You pull out Your gun & blow Your Bestie’s head off?

Breathe for a second. Breathe… and keep breathing. Calm the F#ck Down! It’s All Gonna Be Okay, I Promise.

If You can make this one tweak in TECH’s mental process, DR? You can completely change the Game… but not for the rest of the World – Everybody is the Boss of Themselves.

You can change how You are doing it. You can play the Game how You wanna play it.

You can change Your Own Game.

But We all need to keep breathing to play it.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: And after You master this first part, DR? Then We move into Influence… but that’s Another Story for Another day.

“It’s All Gonna Be Okay..”

The necessary Context: Do I know what You air-quotes ‘should’ be doing, DR? Y. Am I gonna tell You? Uhh… Not So Fast.

For any Other Person who is in My Herd? AKA “Connected with” IRL? It’s My personal mission to 1) Help You and 2) Give You the Cheat Codes.

Literally, that’s what I spend most of My Time doing.

If We (You & Me) are Connected? I already Love You. I already want ‘Your Best Life’ for You. Otherwise? I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t bother sharing any of My Stories with You.

So yeah, “It’s Not You, It’s Me” is the saying that applies here.

But as cool as “Love” [N: Conceptually] is – just like bacon is cool, sex is cool, bowling is cool, etc. – it’s not the end-all be-all. [N: and believing so is PASSION suppressing TECH FYI – or! TECH suppressing PASSION?!? You decide, DR]

As much as I wanna help People [N: in general] and You, DR, [N: specifically] I still must honor the Gravity Rule “I am Not the Boss of You. I am only the Boss of Myself.”

So Imma “feel You out.” “Test the waters.” “Throw some spaghetti & see what sticks.”

And I watch, closely. Your communication & behavior(s) – in response to My communication & behavior(s) – is what informs TECH to continue Going… or slamming on the brakes & switching tracks ASAP.

If I drop an F-bomb – and You get triggered by this word – You have “Your reasons.” Me? I don’t care, technically, what Your reasons are. I have My Own reasons. Which probably involve “pushing the envelope” in some way, with the objective of “testing the fences.” If I bite the fence & it electric-shocks Me? Imma stop biting the fence! Duh.

But – and this is a big butt – if I see Something on the other side of that fence – Something I want, Something that “has a lot of Potential” that, if I keep pushing through, I can reach out & touch – I’ll keep biting on the fence. Or playing Chicken, and pecking at that fence. To death.

And I will continue getting electric-shocks – assuming You don’t shut the electricity off, DR – until one of two things happen: You let Me Connect with You? Or… I Die. [N: PASSION has died, in terms of “the desire to keep trying”] It’s where the saying “Dead to Me” comes from.

I don’t control the air-quotes World; I only control My World. And if You are allowed access to My World? The only way I can do it is invite You in, Mr. Vampire. And You too, in reverse. Knowing full-well I can totally f#ck You up.

“You’re just gonna hafta Trust Me.”

The necessary Context: I’m breaking My “only One trigger warning” Rule, but it can’t be helped. And… My SB is pinging Me right now, telling Me “Dude!? They are gonna think You are a Bilble-Thumper again!”… but, that can’t be helped, either.

You are the Boss of You, DR. Whatever You “think” of Me? Whatever data You wanna put into Your Own “Conner” mental File? That has literally nothing to do with Me. Sure, I’m the Conceptual object out here – that this File data “points to” – but whether You think I am a Genius or a Psycho? I’m probably not gonna be able to change Your mind. So, whatev.

Moving on!

I know a common acronym “Everybody Knows” – okay okay, maybe not air-quotes ‘EVERYbody’ – is this: WWJD? But Me personally? It’s far more instructive – and useful, on the ground AKA IRL – to consider What Jesus Wouldn’t Do. But – and this is a big butt – probably not for the reason You think, DR.

When I use My “Narrator” voice to add commentary about My Life, I am using the perspective of a “3^rd Party Observer.” I find this process very useful, because it helps TECH evaluate the data in My mental Files: “Am I behaving in such a way as to be consistent with My Own authentic Identity?” Are You, DR?

And this – THIS – is the Money Shot. It’s not enough to just constantly evaluate My Own behavior [N: “I know what I’m doing”] – it’s way more useful to TECH to evaluate the Other Person’s behavior. Any OP I’m Connected with right now. Any Other Person I consider to be “in My Herd” AKA the People I Trust.

And if You cross Me? There Will be Hell to Pay. “It All just Depends.”

Am I gonna punch You in the face? Maybe. Am I gonna murder You? Shoot You dead with My gun? Maybe. But TECH has an entire List of options – and adds to this List every minute – and in Current Day? I just grab the lowest-hanging fruit:

“Imma take My Toys and go home.” I’m gonna disConnect from You, DR.

Why do I choose this option for My response to You trying to f#ck My sh#t up? Because of this Rule: it’s called the “I only care about Myself” rule. It’s what has kept Me out of a lot of IRL trouble – once I figured it out – which is, ‘I don’t care where I am, what I’m doing, what I’m supposed to be doing, Who You are, Who You are in relation to Me, etc. etc.’ If You are doing Something – Anything – to Me that PASSION [N: AKA My gut] is screaming at Me: “Dude. I don’t like this. This is hurting Me.”? Imma getting away from You as fast as My little feet can carry Me.

Because Why? Because Jesus – My Conceptual understanding of Who Jesus Is – wouldn’t do what You are doing to Me.

And that’s how I can say (inside My Own head) that “Jesus Loves Me.” It’s because I believe this – PASSION believes this – that I can imagine crushing Your skull with a brick, if You show up on My doorstep without My consent. [N: loll – okay okay! but PASSION loves imagining this retribution stuff… and Conscious Me allows it, knowing full well I won’t be taking any external actions consistent with these thoughts]

. . .

Conner’s Comments: This is what I’m guessing is the air-quotes ‘problem’ with organized religion Nowadays & Why all the proverbial rats are fleeing the ship – it’s a total lack of Equilibrium to focus on just “the Sinner” and ignore the Other Person that f#cked Me up in the first place. Dogma calls this OP “the Devil” – but IMO? That’s too simplistic. Fun Fact: did You know there are only a handful of documented instances in the Bible where JC uses the label, “sinner”? Look it up!… there’s an article about it on the Internet about it somewheres.

Yes, DR, I’m talking to You. [N: spoken in PASSION’s best Al Pacino voice] **I started writing this Story when the title was still “How Beautiful” lmao**

I went somewhere this morning, to Connect with a bunch of Friendly Strangers. This was the second time I’ve mingled among these particular Folks; PASSION gave a thumbs up to Myself last week – which was My first “Meet Cute” with this Group of Human Beings – but I got lots of dopamine jolts that first time, so naturally I am back for more.

While I was there, distracted by the goings-on – I heard this song.

It totally pinged PASSION, but TECH had difficulty finding the data in the Files – I couldn’t recall the name of the song, the lyrics to the song, or anything… but the reason PASSION was pinged in the hearing of the song? The intensity of the feelings from My Own Memories. [N: I’ve done a lot of singing in My History, and this song was oft-requested, especially for weddings]

I was so moved by the listening to it, I walked up to ask the Lady sitting at the piano – Carol – what the title was.

Carol’s eyes connected with Mine & I see her lips form the words, “How Beautiful.” Because I wasn’t paying attention, I didn’t realize Carol was actually playing the song right at that moment… and when that realization dawned on Me, I smacked PASSION upside the head, reminding Myself to “Pay More Attention, Dude?!” in the Future.

When I returned to the safety of My Sanctuary, PASSION was still “bugged” by hearing the song earlier. In order to satisfy My need to at least sing it one more time IRL, I Googled “how beautiful karaoke” and got a bunch of offerings. The Twila original version is a bit out of My vocal range, so I kept searching until I found a vid in a better key for Me. [N: back in the olden days I could sing in Twila’s key, but I haven’t exercised My singing voice, in Current Day, for more than a hundred years now. So… yeah.

Back to My Story.

I was surprised to discover I couldn’t make it through the entire 4.40 minute song. And I made more than one attempt at it. loll

No, I have the lyrics. And the musical accompaniment. It’s a little rough on My actual vocal instrument, but the reason I had trouble is because as I am singing this song right now, My SB is being triggered… and there’s clearly some residual NEC buried, somewhere, because I am bursting into tears before I get to the End.

I blame the OP who shared Carol’s “personal business” with Me, earlier. I know Why They chose to do so: They were Prioritizing Their interpersonal relationship with Carol. As part of Carol’s Herd, They were giving Carol indirect Support… wanting to make sure I had this relevant Context so as to Influence Me to Not “say anything Stupid” or unfeeling or opposite-of-compassionate while interacting with Carol in this episode. [N: *Spoiler Alert!* there was zero chance of Me doing any of this loll]

Later – after the party was over – I remained near Carol, hovering. I didn’t verbalize My knowledge of Frank, but I could read Carol’s body language and guess that “She already knew I was probably already told about it.” I watched as Carol broke down her music gear. [N: all Performers have this Invisible Work, following a music gig]

While She moved around – this breakdown of stuff was happening in Auto-Pilot, FYI – Carol sensed My presence. Occasionally, Our eyes (Hers & Mines) locked, and We played a friendly little game of “Small Talk” for several minutes.

Then? “Outta Nowhere” – Carol revealed the Money Shot. It was a moment of naked vulnerability.  PASSION caught it. [N: PASSION is a People-Watcher: ready to leap tall buildings like Superman, rescue a Kitten from a sewer pipe, be a CPR-trained Friendly Stranger in a fancy restaurant while sitting next to a table where one of the Guests is now choking to death… etc. etc.]

“I’m still getting used to the word, ‘Widow.’”

*mental grenade explodes*

“I get it. But You know what?…” and I Planted this Seed for Carol, the Seed I wanted Someone to plant for Me:

“You don’t have to accept Anybody’s label. There Is No Test.”

And I went on to tell Carol it’s Her Life, She’s the Boss, She’s the only one that gets to decide how She wants to Live Her Own Life, what names to call Herself, etc. etc.

And then… I disappeared. Episode wrapped, curtain is dropped, My job was done here. *Poof!* just like magic.

And that, DR, is how You Plant a f#cking Seed. If I am talking to You? You & I are Connected, right now, in this moment? There’s only one of two things You want from Me. Only two things You need from Me. Everything else is just… details.

PASSION needs Support. -or- TECH needs data.

The trick is knowing which situation We are in right now. Because it’s never gonna be “clear enough.” It’s never gonna be black & white.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I did actually get CPR-trained; *runs over to look at certificate on My wall* two years ago in August? I did post pics on My Insta. [N: it any events gets pics posted on social media? You know it really got Me] But I hope I never am around Somebody who is choking, because I’m not confident I could help save Them. [N: the difference between Conceptual data & Experience data, again] TECH is bugged to this day by that  MadLibs blank… sooner or later, I’ll take CPR class two or three more times. “Three times a charm,” after all.