Imagine, for a moment, We are sitting in a classroom.
I am the Teacher, and You, DR, are My bright-eyed & bushy-tailed Student. It’s First Grade.
“Okay, class! Imma give You a bunch of data for You to be a successful, self-sufficient Adult, years from now…”
“I am the Teacher, so I have All the Knowledge: I Know Everything. I Am A God! I Am Your God!” Sub-text: And by virtue of My position in Your Life? You have to do whatever I say… or I will Punish You.
“You – on the other hand – are the Student. A little, know-nothing Kid. You weren’t even alive 20 minutes ago, so You know literally nothing: Your mental Files are empty.
“You Are Stupid!” This Seed is being Planted in My Own SB as well as this Kid’s. I will never ‘see’ any Student of Mine as “worthy.” I will always ‘see’ these Kids as “less than.” And the Kid? They will always see Themselves as unworthy & less than, too.
Wow. Just.. wow. Not only am I a Sh#tty Person, I am suck-@$$ Teacher! smh
But, since I am Not the Boss of Anybody but Myself, I really don’t care what Anybody Else does when wanting to “teach” a lesson to any Other Person “who doesn’t yet know any better.” [N: and the reason They don’t know any better isn’t because They are ‘Stupid’ – They just lack enough acquired data to understand the Concept, yet]
And so I’ve learned – mostly in Hindsight, some by watching Other People model this behavior for Me – that the best way to ‘get’ the Kid to acquire the necessary data is to “Meet Them Where They Are.” Start there, Stupid.
How do I do this? Well, I don’t speak from My Own Perspective, first of all: Telling a Child “You’ll need this data when You are an Adult” is meaningless, because this Kid, literally, is not yet an Adult! So it’s all fine & good to share Concepts, but if I don’t connect this Conceptual data to anything in this Kid’s Current Day Life? They aren’t gonna ‘get’ it.
“I’m gonna show You [N: modeling behavior] how to make New Friends [N: every Kid wants to make lots of Friends, especially at the beginning] and have fun/be happy/don’t get in trouble with Mom & Dad, etc. etc.”
I can say whatever I want, here. But I have to link it to Their Own Experience in this moment. Or it won’t help Them IRL.
“I know Mom & Dad help You take Your bath – You take off Your clothes, they fill the tub with water – and You jump in so You can get clean & fresh-smelling & go to bed to sleep comfortably.”
“But Nobody Else can see You without any clothes on…” – Wrong. The Doctor has to.
“Only Mom & Dad are allowed to see You naked…” – too vague. This is True – to a point. For all I know? Dad is molesting this Kid. In which case this data I’m giving Them is variant to the data in Their Own mental Files. But not because of what I just said. The variance already exists… but Me verbalizing this statement is pinging this Kid’s SB – because the Kid’s Gut is telling Them “Dad sticking his fingers in My @$$hole is Bad!” but also there’s data in the “Dad” File that says “My Daddy Loves Me… Daddies Love Their Children.” This – THIS! – is the variance that exists. But Me – the external Other Person – can’t see that data: it’s UNKN to Me right now.
But I totally went off on a tangent. This isn’t actually the Story I wanted to tell right now loll.
Since the possibilities are endless – I can’t give You a script, DR – the best I can do is give You a few tips.
- What is the message I am trying to give this OP right now?
- Am I using words or hypothetical scenarios that They will understand, given Their physical age & developmental capability?
- If They are an Adult & “are clueless” then this tells Me they lack the relevant data in the Files – either “Their Parents didn’t Teach Them Right” or for whatever other UNKN Reason. The Why isn’t important right now – just that They don’t have the data… so I will calmly present it to them. And They can “Take it of Leave it.”
Here’s the Rule for sharing Ideas with Other People: “I Don’t Need Them To Agree With Me!” I just need to make the data available to Them. In Reality? I don’t give a f#ck if They believe Me or Not: It’s Their Life. They are the Boss of Their Own Life. So whatever choices/decisions They make is all on Them.
“If You are happy with the results? That’s all that Matters.”
I’ve found that when I remove the “You Must Believe Me I Am A God And Know Everything” requirement from My SB? Other People are much more receptive to what I have to say.
. . .
Conner’s Comments: It’s taken Me the majority of My Life to become accustomed to the feeling of being triggered, in TECH mostly, because “OP don’t just immediately agree with Me.” Something that helped was for Me to switch the Actors around: Do I immediately just agree with any Other Person? Hell No. Because I – like every Human Being – has different data in My Own mental Files. DUh! [N: in Hindsight now, it’s So Obvious loll]