Let’s call Her… Amanda.
I’ve known Amanda for more than a handful of years now, having first crossed paths with Her in “business networking” – Amanda is a Nurse, and I was selling life insurance at the time.
Amanda has two Adult Kids – one Boy & one Girl – and 3 Grands. Daughter Cindy has twin Boys, and Tim has Amanda’s Granddaughter, Kitty.
Tim’s Baby Mama *hates* Amanda, and as a result of this hatred? Baby Mama disallows Amanda from ever seeing or spending time with Kitty IRL.
Amanda is distraught.
As Amanda’s Support Person, I’ve been around & around this elephant with Her, trying to piece out the reasons, the Why’s, the how-did-this-happens. And IMO? All those details are irrelevant, because… because the outcome is the same: Kitty doesn’t know Amanda exists, or even that She has another Grandmother… a Grandmother who is still alive in Current Day. [N: knock on wood]
Most recently, Tim flew in from out-of-state – Tim works back east so travels a bunch – to attend Kitty’s 1st Holy Communion. [N: which makes Her… lemme see: age 7? or thereabouts]
The last time Amanda was able to even hold Kitty was shortly after Her birth. Amanda didn’t manifest as “The Devil” AKA “Total B#tch” to Tim’s Baby Mama yet, so even though that time period “felt a little awkward” from Amanda’s perspective? She felt very, very happy with the knowledge that Kitty was born healthy, happy, etc. etc. I mean, think about it. First daughter of Amanda’s only Son! “How exciting!?!” [N: PASSION agrees]
And it all seemed Good through Kitty’s first year of Life… until, it wasn’t. Far from it.
Amanda knew exactly when ‘the End’ manifested: She took a big box over to Kitty’s maternal Grandparents’ house at Xmas-time – a huge stuffed penguin from Tim’s Dad [N: AKA Amanda’s ex, Lolo] – and left it on the porch, a la “Secret Santa.”
Returning home hours later – Amanda ran some errands; it was a Saturday if I recall the details accurately – and Amanda, pulling into Her driveway, noticed the box was now sitting on Her porch… having been discarded [N: My guess and Amanda’s, here] and returned by Kitty’s Mom.
Amanda’s heart sank. And She was truly – excruciatingly painfully – devastated. [N: PASSION agrees]
But this Story isn’t about Amanda, technically. It’s about Me, as Amanda’s Support Person, attempting to coach Her in Planting Seeds for Tim. Tim, Who – despite Amanda’s full acknowledgment that every decision involving Kitty is 50% Tim’s responsibility AKA with Tim’s consent as the sperm donor – Amanda made a conscious decision [N: an Executive Decision] to prioritize Her Own relationship with Her Son, versus the other option: destroying it in a Blaze of Glory. It took longer than a minute, but Amanda finally realized that these are all Tim’s Own Life choices to make: Tim is the Only Boss of Tim… Amanda’s love for Her Son notwithstanding. [N: f#cking Free Will BS]
But back to My Story. [N: here’s Me, stepping into a Support Person role:]
“Gurrlll, first of all: This totally sucks! I’m soo, soo sorry this is happening?! You did nothing to deserve this.” [N: it isn’t about Amanda per se. It’s Baby Mama’s UNKN issues, in Her Own SB that are causing this result IMO]
“If this were Me? I would Plant a Seed for My Son. Who knows? Maybe someday in the Future? Things will change. Anything’s Possible, amiright?”
“After Tim comes back to Your house after tomorrow’s 1st Holy Communion, say something like this:
‘You know, Son? I have this Friend… Jackie. Jackie has a similar situation with Not being allowed to make Memories with Her only Grandkid. So the 1st Holy Communion is at a public place – a church, where All are Welcome.’ [N: that’s what the brochure says, anyways]
Jackie’s Son could totally scribble the address/time/date & leave a note for Jackie on the kitchen counter – and none would be the wiser. Jackie could go – in disguise – and see Her Grandkid’s FHC without triggering Anybody Else who might also be in attendance. Win-Win!’”
And that’s all I hafta do. Plant a Seed, and back off. Plant another Seed later on – as needed – and back off. And keep planting seeds. If I keep planting these seeds, the chickens will keep pecking in the sh#t for them… and sooner or later?
The Pony will be free.
. . .
Conner’s Comments: It’s not a piece of cake, to be a Support Person to a Human Being Who is well aware that the clock is ticking… and Her Own days are numbered. But, all She can do – all Anybody can do, really – is just keep moving through the tunnel, believing I will come out the other side of it. Could I die before this happens? Of course. Anything is Possible, right? But… Imma Hope for the Best.
“It’s All Gonna Be Okay. I Promise.”