Stream of CONSCIOUSNESS

Imagine, for a moment, We are sitting in a classroom.

I am the Teacher, and You, DR, are My bright-eyed & bushy-tailed Student. It’s First Grade.

“Okay, class! Imma give You a bunch of data for You to be a successful, self-sufficient Adult, years from now…”

“I am the Teacher, so I have All the Knowledge: I Know Everything. I Am A God! I Am Your God!” Sub-text: And by virtue of My position in Your Life? You have to do whatever I say… or I will Punish You.

“You – on the other hand – are the Student. A little, know-nothing Kid. You weren’t even alive 20 minutes ago, so You know literally nothing: Your mental Files are empty.

“You Are Stupid!” This Seed is being Planted in My Own SB as well as this Kid’s. I will never ‘see’ any Student of Mine as “worthy.” I will always ‘see’ these Kids as “less than.” And the Kid? They will always see Themselves as unworthy & less than, too.

Wow. Just.. wow. Not only am I a Sh#tty Person, I am suck-@$$ Teacher! smh

But, since I am Not the Boss of Anybody but Myself, I really don’t care what Anybody Else does when wanting to “teach” a lesson to any Other Person “who doesn’t yet know any better.” [N: and the reason They don’t know any better isn’t because They are ‘Stupid’ – They just lack enough acquired data to understand the Concept, yet]

And so I’ve learned – mostly in Hindsight, some by watching Other People model this behavior for Me – that the best way to ‘get’ the Kid to acquire the necessary data is to “Meet Them Where They Are.” Start there, Stupid.

How do I do this? Well, I don’t speak from My Own Perspective, first of all: Telling a Child “You’ll need this data when You are an Adult” is meaningless, because this Kid, literally, is not yet an Adult! So it’s all fine & good to share Concepts, but if I don’t connect this Conceptual data to anything in this Kid’s Current Day Life? They aren’t gonna ‘get’ it.

“I’m gonna show You [N: modeling behavior] how to make New Friends [N: every Kid wants to make lots of Friends, especially at the beginning] and have fun/be happy/don’t get in trouble with Mom & Dad, etc. etc.”

I can say whatever I want, here. But I have to link it to Their Own Experience in this moment. Or it won’t help Them IRL.

“I know Mom & Dad help You take Your bath – You take off Your clothes, they fill the tub with water – and You jump in so You can get clean & fresh-smelling & go to bed to sleep comfortably.”

“But Nobody Else can see You without any clothes on…” – Wrong. The Doctor has to.

“Only Mom & Dad are allowed to see You naked…” – too vague. This is True – to a point. For all I know? Dad is molesting this Kid. In which case this data I’m giving Them is variant to the data in Their Own mental Files. But not because of what I just said. The variance already exists… but Me verbalizing this statement is pinging this Kid’s SB – because the Kid’s Gut is telling Them “Dad sticking his fingers in My @$$hole is Bad!” but also there’s data in the “Dad” File that says “My Daddy Loves Me… Daddies Love Their Children.” This – THIS! – is the variance that exists. But Me – the external Other Person – can’t see that data: it’s UNKN to Me right now.

But I totally went off on a tangent. This isn’t actually the Story I wanted to tell right now loll.

Since the possibilities are endless – I can’t give You a script, DR – the best I can do is give You a few tips.

1. What is the message I am trying to give this OP right now?

• Am I using words or hypothetical scenarios that They will understand, given Their physical age & developmental capability?

• If They are an Adult & “are clueless” then this tells Me they lack the relevant data in the Files – either “Their Parents didn’t Teach Them Right” or for whatever other UNKN Reason. The Why isn’t important right now – just that They don’t  have the data… so I will calmly present it to them. And They can “Take it of Leave it.”

Here’s the Rule for sharing Ideas with Other People: “I Don’t Need Them To Agree With Me!” I just need to make the data available to Them. In Reality? I don’t give a f#ck if They believe Me or Not: It’s Their Life. They are the Boss of Their Own Life. So whatever choices/decisions They make is all on Them.

“If You are happy with the results? That’s all that Matters.”

I’ve found that when I remove the “You Must Believe Me I Am A God And Know Everything” requirement from My SB? Other People are much more receptive to what I have to say.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: It’s taken Me the majority of My Life to become accustomed to the feeling of being triggered, in TECH mostly, because “OP don’t just immediately agree with Me.” Something that helped was for Me to switch the Actors around: Do I immediately just agree with any Other Person? Hell No. Because I – like every Human Being – has different data in My Own mental Files. DUh! [N: in Hindsight now, it’s So Obvious loll]

I’m guessing You are wondering – DR – why I change all the names.

It’s not what You think.

It’s Not because “I am afraid of being sued” or I “don’t wanna embarrass anyone” or I’m “talking out of school” – even though I can ‘see’ Why You might believe this.

I’m doing it because I am removing TECH’s barriers to hearing what I’m saying.

If A Person I am Connected to IRL reads this Story – and I have just enough details for My Story to resonate in Their Own SB – then I’ve accomplished My mission: Plant a Seed, protect My Sources AKA “don’t embarrass anybody,” and remove all the obstacles that My Connections have with Their IRL data about Me, Conner Romesco, in Their Own mental Files – the message I’m trying to convey in My Story right now is more… effective. Clearer. More easily digestible. Understandable. And – added bonus – there’s No requirement that You, DR, be Connected with Me IRL.

When I say, “My Life is an Open Book” I literally mean it.

But I didn’t “make all this up.” My SB is already designed to do this in this way, because of competing objectives – PASSION with My desire to Connect & develop relationships with other Human Beings – and TECH with My desire to not give Anybody enough Rope to Hang Myself with. These aren’t balls that are easily juggled, but – and this is a big butt – it Is possible. Anything is.

My SB’s procedure for this is innate, is My guess. I recall – back “in the olden days” – when I was just a Pup, wanting My Bestie’s advice.

I started the bid like this:

“I have this Friend…”

Why did I do that? Because I didn’t want My Buddy to be distracted by his firsthand data about “Who Conner is” in relation to Himself. I wanted his unvarnished truthful advice, without “softening the blow” or “trying to make Me feel better” or “not hurt My feelings.”

I wanted the Truth. And… “The Truth Hurts.”

In Hindsight now – after TECH now has a bunch more data in My mental Files – I realize that what I was asking for wasn’t technically ‘the Truth’ – there’s always multiple Truths – what I was asking for was Xavier’s “Unique Perspective.” I was asking for Him to give Me ‘His take’ on a situation that I, personally, was facing in that moment. This is what “having empathy” means to Me, personally: “What would You do, if You were in this exact situation that I am in, right now this moment?” Xavier being able to “step into My shoes” and tell Me, “here’s what I would do, if this were Me and this was My situation/problem/issue to deal with” is the Money Shot.

All these years later? Xavier & I remain Connected IRL. We’ve always Prioritized Our (His & Mines, together) Relationship. Have We pi$$ed Each Other off along the way? Sure. Have We violated Each Other’s personal boundaries every so often? Yup. “Sh#t Happens.”

But We also made it a point to reConnect after the bumps. We made it a Priority to “communicate” about it. To share Our Own individual perspectives… to find any common ground with which to stand on and move forward. It’s like a sinkhole, opening up on the road ahead. Am I gonna just drive right into the sinkhole? Maybe – if I am on Auto-Pilot at the time.

Or… I can stop. Get outta My car. Check in with Jimmy to make sure He’s okay… and figure out, with Jimmy’s help, how We are gonna keep going. How are we gonna keep moving forward down this road.

“I am the Boss of Me.”

. . .

Conner’s Comments: One more thing, DR. When I use Someone’s “IRL Name” – i.e. if My Story references Cesar Milan or Steve Jobs or Alicia Moore or Ariana Grande or Pete Davidson or Mark Ruffalo or Owen Wilson or Robin Williams or Jesus Christ Himself – it’s because I need You to understand the Story I’m telling right now using all the existing data in Your Own SB. My Story is intended to 1) add to My Own data around this specific Person and 2) resonate for You – so You can ‘get’ what I’m talking about, in Your Own SB. Win-Win.

I have a Rich Uncle. I am a Poor Person. Both of these things are True.

And now here is the Devil – uhh, I mean “the Details.”

First off, any Other Person who I believe “has more money than Me” = “Rich.” It’s irrelevant how much more Richer the OP is; it’s just the fact that They have more money at Their disposal than I do is how TECH categorizes Them as ‘Rich.’ And I don’t include the entirety of the available Conceptual data in this evaluation, meaning, I don’t include “Warren Buffet billionaire-Rich” in My File, because I have No IRL Connections to Warren Buffet… or any Reasonable Substitute for WB.

So My Uncle – “Uncle Mike” – sets the top threshold of My perception of the idea “Rich” in My SB.

Uncle Mike Connects with Me, periodically, when He is in town for Work. His job has Him traveling a lot, so I benefit when He comes to crash at My house for a couple days. And when I say “I benefit” I mean, specifically, PASSION benefits, because I get the opportunity to deepen Our (Mines & His) interpersonal relationship. [N: TECH doesn’t benefit because no $$ is exchanged in this arrangement, by design]

Now, DR, Imma guess You are wondering right now: “If You are so Poor Conner, and You are doing Uncle Mike a favor by letting Him stay with You when He’s in town, Why don’t You charge Him?”

You’re Right, DR! I could charge Him. But I don’t. I won’t. Because I – Conscious Me, now – chooses not to. I’ve made this Executive Decision.

“I weighed the options.” That’s Society’s phrase, but really what I am weighing is My Own SB’s various POVs & My Own unmet needs in Current Day: Am I Poor? Y. Does Uncle Mike have more $$ than Me? Y. If I asked Him for any money, do I believe He would give it to Me? Y.

So far so good. But there’s more to this Story – there’s *always* more to the Story – so let’s keep going. It’s My Story: let Me keep telling it loll.

“I am a full-fledged Adult” – and Me? I like the idea that I can survive with My Own effort. That I don’t have to “count on” any Other Person.

“I’ve made it through worse, before.” – when I recall growing up in My toxic Family? I remember that was Hell on Earth… but I Lived. “The Boy Who Lived.” So even though I am a PP right now? It’s only temporary. I’ll get through this tunnel, as long as I keep the train moving.

“I want to Prioritize the Relationship.” – this is all PASSION, here. Any relationship, anywhere, is in PASSION’s sandbox. What PASSION says with respect to keeping this relationship healthy & secure? I’m definitely gonna listen to. Not to say PASSION always gets what PASSION wants – but I will weigh PASSION’s input more heavily in this particular case. [N: AKA never kill the goose that is laying the golden eggs]

*Spoiler Alert!* PASSION made a very good case and Influenced Me – the Boss – the most.

All this is Context for the Story I’m trying to tell You now, DR, in Current Day.

As I go about My business moving through Time & Space, I add stuff to My Costco List. When I was more flush with cash, I would do this adding to the List more willy-nilly, but now that My budget is tighter I have to be more discriminating about what I put on this List – and example is buying 16 sticks of unsalted butter at Costco, versus just 4 sticks of butter at Stater Bros. “Weighing the options.”

So PASSION – feeling sympathy for TECH not getting My way – brainstormed a solution. Not, “a solution to the problem of No Money” but rather “a solution to TECH feeling aggravated/annoyed/unLoved” by My final Executive Decision.

And what did I do? I sent Uncle Mike a bid.

[N: A bid, essentially, is an Ask. A “Request for Help.” It is completely not obligatory on the side of the Recipient of the bid. Uncle Mike is under no obligation to agree/comply with My Request]

But – and this is a big butt – I have to Not take that choice out of Uncle Mike’s hands. I hafta simply… “Ask” for what I need. And let the chips fall where they may.

I texted UM saying something along the lines of, “Next time You are around, if You wanna Thank Me for being able to crash at My pad, We can go to Costco so I can get what’s on My List and You can pay for it On My Behalf.” I’m paraphrasing, here, because it’s unnecessary to repeat what I said verbatim – too many details ruins the Story FYI.

I finished off the bid with My usual close: [N: after making a bid to Folks]

“otherwise: No Worries! Ill never refuse You, regardless xox”

Because I don’t Trust Uncle Mike’s SB – TECH, specifically – to Not feel ‘obligated’ to help Me, because “I’m Family.” And TECH has Conceptual data that says, “Always Help My Family.” [N: I already know that Mike has no Exceptions to this Rule, yet, in His Own Files] I know this by observing Uncle Mike’s behavior, and listening to how He talks FYI.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I always do My best to respond to a bid from any Other Person, regardless of the details. Why? Because the “out of the blue” request to hang out or Connect with Me? This Human Being might be thinking of offing Themselves. They might be getting rid of something They Own, but They know I can use in My Own Real Life. They might wanna set Me up on a Blind Date, where I meet My Future Wife. Or? They may just wanna further develop Our (Theirs & MInes) interpersonal relationship. They need a ‘friendly ear.’ They need My advice, and They Trust Me to give the best ideas I’ve got.

It literally could be anything. But that part of the Story isn’t written yet.

So Imma keep going through this tunnel.

“Anything is Possible.” *munches popcorn*

Every time I heard this phrase? My next most obvious question: “Who’s this Will person, and why are we firing at him?

But that’s not the will of this Story. The one is the Will to Live. And the usual way this Concept is verbalized is this:

“He lost the Will to Live.”

. . .

I call Bull$hit.

I didn’t lose My Will to Live; it was stolen from Me. In the same flavor as “Innocence is Lost” when a Child gets raped, molested, violated – both physically & emotionally – and for what? Because there’s a power imbalance. And the One without any of the power is the Victim.

Society lacks the right words, IMO, to really wrap our heads around this Concept. TECH loves to toss out statistics – “lots of People go through this sort of sh#t, but They don’t turn into Mass Murderers!?” – as if that’s some sort of prize to be awarded. Technically – pun intended – that’s exactly how Society ends up with Mass Murderers! And the Folks that don’t end up being MMs? They end up completely f#cked up for Their Entire Lives, constantly tormented by the demons that remain after some Other Person – usually, a Trusted Other Person – completely f#cks Them up.

You know what? I don’t care “how many other millions of People ‘turned out fine.’” I only care about Myself. I only care about My Son. I only care about Who I am Connected to, Who I Trust, and Who I’m vulnerable to.

I care about the Human Beings I Support. Those Other People in My Herd.

I care about the People that I Love.

And Everyone else? They can go f#ck themselves.

Did growing up in a toxic Family all throughout My Childhood traumatize Me? Of course it did! I dreamed of the day I could escape – I ran away from home on My 18^th birthday in the dead of night – and I thought, “I’m free!! I made it!” But I was wrong. Because My Mom found Me, as a newly married Adult – right after the birth of My Son – and all those Memories came right back to the forefront of My SB.

And I was being tormented. In Living color. In Current Day.

That’s what made the difference for Me at least. I could get no relief, no respite, because the Person responsible for all those years of pain & suffering? She was standing right in front of Me. And I had no place to hide, to escape it.

I can say with 100% confidence: The minute both My Parents were dead? I felt.. lighter. I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally! This planet wasn’t big enough for all of Us – and I lucked out, being the Last Man Standing. I remember tossing handfuls of dirt into the gaping hole where My Mom was being buried, and I was smiling. [N: I regret there’s a picture of it somewhere]

I was glad She was no longer breathing. I was glad that I still was.

I tried to kill Myself shortly after that 10 minute visit. She of course had to tell Me what a piece of sh#t I was, how I was lucky to have gotten married – She loved My now ex-Wife of course – and blah blah blah I’m worthless blah blah blah being happy is overrated, and too much to expect when You get married, blah blah… [N: blah blah = the details are fuzzy; I kinda blocked it out as it happened, so I don’t have a clear Memory to recall about that Experience]

I distinctly remember thinking – after She left – that I just didn’t want to be Alive any more. Just… No.

But My Will? My Will was beaten, to death. That visit was the straw that broke the camel’s back – after 20+ years of being a Child, carrying way too much baggage for way too long. I didn’t lose anything.

I come back to that moment of My Life often. I know what I’ve been doing all this time, and sometimes I think, “if I would have died back then? I would have missed this and that and that other thing. I never would have gone on to do X, or meet So-n-So. I would have completely missed out on some of the happiest, best moments of My Life.

So yeah. I’m glad I didn’t die too early in My Own Story. That would’ve totally sucked.

. . .

Conner’s Comments: Society thinks talking about things like suicide, or abuse, or traumatic Experiences out loud somehow manifests them: It’s a Rookie mistake, and it’s Wrong as far as I’m concerned. The more I talk it out, and ponder on it, and piece things out – get really, really down into the details, the feelings, and the unanswered questions – it’s what allows My SB to express all the NEC from these Experiences, these Memories, and these events. It’s the only way I’ve found that I can stop the pinging. I can stop being pecked to death by a thousand chickens. And once I can stop all that white noise? I can continue moving forward.

I can breathe again.

Good luck, DR. And keep breathing. And keep going.

Don’t You dare let these F#ckers win.

I Love You.

/CR

Banksy fascinates Me. The Dude has it down. Who are Banksy’s Helpers? I know He has Helpers – and My SB pictures Banksy as a “He” probably because I Myself am a “He” – and since Banksy is the Main Character in this Story? That’s Who Imma identify with. But I digress – Banksy has Helpers, because if You are lugging a paint can around & tagging random walls all over the place? Someone’s gonna notice.

Mr. Rogers – who is a Visionary in My Book – could speak directly with Kids, using the Kid’s own unique dialect. “When in Rome” eh? Mr. R’s whole mojo – whole schtick, if You will – was Connecting with a Child’s Subonscious Mind. Giving Me – now identifying as this Kid – a map of navigating My Own thoughts & feelings… emotions… and frustrations. Fred taught Me how to vent My anger in a way so as to not hurt Myself or Others. Taught Me how to express My sadness – and how to self-soothe – but not so much in excess as to create a Rabbit Hole where I run to & hide in the dark, trying to numb My Own pain with whatever – drugs, booze, sex, working too much, playing games too much, etc. etc. Mr. Rogers taught Me – when I needed air-quotes ‘Help’ or I needed “a Safe Space” – to look for the Helpers.

Mr. Fred Rogers is a Visionary. [N: and I use the word “is” specifically AKA on purpose – like “Jesus Christ is still JC” beyond His physical Human Life on this rock] And My Soulmate… because I totally ‘get’ it. “I ‘see’ You, Freddy!”

Kids? They are pretty much f#cked in Current Day. The invention of the internet – as amazing as this tool is [N: I mean DUh! I’m using the internet right now] – became a “Reasonable Substitute” for IRL Connection between Human Beings in the Physical World. We did it to Ourselves: We created the Dinosaurs who escaped the Park and now are terrorizing the Villagers – and Nobody Knows how to put those Dinosaurs back into Pandora’s Box.

If a Kid is living in a toxic Family Home – something I know about firsthand -Who do they reach out to? How do They Find the Helpers? Their peers? That’s the blind leading the blind, IMO. Children – by design – do not possess all the “required & necessary data” in Their Own mental Files yet, to successfully navigate Adult-sized problems: “My Dad’s an alcoholic” -or- “My Mom can’t buy enough food for Me to eat” -or- “My Uncle/Big Brother/Soccer Coach/local Priest/Dad is touching Me underneath My t-shirt… or underneath My underwear… or sticking Their fingers or Their tongue in My…”

The Answer? Kids in Current Day don’t bother looking for Helpers. Not anymore, anyways. Kids Nowadays go directly to offing themselves. “Do Not pass Go, do Not collect $200.” [N: but that’s Another Story for Another day]

Back to Banksy.

Banksy is My Hero. I learn a lot from watching Banksy’s moves. I wonder – and I would ask Banksy, if I ever get an opportunity to Connect with him IRL instead of just Conceptually – I would ask Him if He watched “Pump Up the Volume” as a Kid. That’s where I learned this ‘hiding in plain sight’ trick is a super effective tool to use loll. It’s how I learned I could have My cake, and eat it, too.

It’s where I learned, “Nature will find a way.”

I have a Voice… and Imma use it, come hell or high water.

“Hear Me Roar, Muthaf#ckers!”

I just drove to Costco to fill My car up with gas.

I work Remote in Current Day, and after months of “finishing My job tasks, asking for extra work, etc. etc.” I finally had an Epiphany: My Boss doesn’t care. Meaning? My Boss doesn’t care what I do – hypothetically speaking – as long as I get My job done. And I do, because I am super efficient, super accurate with My data entry, etc. etc. So, all things being equal? I’m air-quotes ‘done’ about 3 hours into My 8-hr day. [N: TECH finally acknowledged that My Boss is disallowed – by law, IRL in Current Day – to not “dump more work on Me compared to the rest of My Teammates” because, “Not Fair!?!” and then Somebody gets sued… so I finally took off the ankle bracelet and started getting To-Do’s done, in that “previously underutilized time.”]

I love Costco. I’ve had the Costco in My town for years, but only in the past handful of years did the Costco Mgmt Folks add a gas station. And… a car wash.

At first? I never considered washing My car through the Costco car wash. Why? Because TECH holds the purse-strings, and is constantly watchful where I spend My money, pooh-pooing anything evaluated as – AKA considered to be – “frivolous” -or- “unnecessary” -or- “wasteful.” But TECH is very much a bean-counter, most of the time.

And I’ll be the first to admit: I. Am. A. Poor. Person. Meaning: I have no discretionary money! [N: discretionary = money above what I am paying for My overhead – food/heat/water/meds, etc] But – and this was a Seed one of My Connections Planted for Me, recently – I have no discretionary money Right Now. To add those two words – kinda like adding “In bed” on the tail end of a fortune cookie fortune – reminds My SB that this state of hand-to-mouth is temporary. Sooner or later? Imma get My next job, with better medical insurance, and making more money. [N: those irons are already in the fire]

So I pull up to the fuel dispenser thingy, tap My Costco credit card – Yes, I have a dedicated-for-Costco credit card; I get cashback rewards? – and the first question that pops up on the screen: “Do You want a car wash for $7.99?”

I barely pay attention to this question anymore, in Full Disclosure. If I want a car wash, I get one. If I don’t want a car wash, I don’t. But My IRL behavior? That’s completely different now.

In the beginning? This Ask triggered Me, because it reminded My SB that “I Am Poor And Cannot Afford…” in this instance, a car wash. Then – after My Come-to-Jesus meeting with TECH – I decided a more “equalized” approach was in order: Incorporating PASSION’s needs, too. Not just TECH’s needs.

And sometimes? PASSION is exhausted. PASSION needs some help. PASSION just “doesn’t feel like” breaking out the car washing crap outta the garage, and washing the car Myself. And drying it with a chamois so it doesn’t get all streaky. [N: My car is only 2 or 3 years old, but I’m not one of those guys who cleans it with a baby diaper, or Q-tips. As long as I can see out of the front window? I’m good loll]

So today just now I answered the question, “No Thank You” and proceeded to fill up My gas tank. $10 over My allotment for gas this week, but I can shave that off My groceries budget – I have enough food in My freezer right now, to tide Me over until I get paid in another week.

And then I go home.

I drive towards the gas station area exit, and make a right to get out of the Costco parking lot.

And here’s the Money Shot of this entire Story I’m telling You right now: If I want to? I could make a left. [N: “to the left, to the left…”] I could still go get My car washed, if I chose. My car is technically dirty enough to be washed, sure… but I wanted to get back home to officially punch out on time.

I do whatever the h#ll I want: “I am the only Boss of Me.”

. . .

Conner’s Comments: And this Concept confuses some TECH Folks, because I have a job and therefore do have a Boss-boss. But He’s not the Boss of *Me* – He is the Boss of My Work. And it’s irrelevant where I physically am, whether that’s working Remote or working in the office, because I would still get done in 3 hours and then be shopping on Amazon the rest of the work day. If He gave Me a special project? Of course I will drop whatever else I’m doing and Prioritize that right away. Because… I can always change My mind.

*mic drop

I Connected with a G/F of Mines last night. [N: Missy is one of My many Soulmates – but that’s Another Story for Another day] I drove out to see Her newly purchased home – Her First! So it felt like I was visiting her New Baby loll – and We ended up going to the Korean BBQ place down the street… I passed it on My way to Her house and – when it was dinnertime – suggested We go there.

During dinner – which is always tons of fun & excitement, and last night was No Exception – Missy told Me the Story from Her History Files [N: “that one time? at band camp?”] where She was roped into training some Other Person because that chick’s Own Boss didn’t know the job She was tasked with. [N: and therefore could not train her Own direct report smh]

In reviewing this one Accounting report that “Somebody created ages ago & Nobody in Current Day had any use for” – but of course, this Chick was still obligated to generate this report – Missy says during this explaining of how to generate the report: “It’s a Masturbatory Exercise.. but it still needs to be generated, given to So-n-So,” and whatever else came next.

My guess? *mental grenade exploded* in this Chick’s SB. I mean, DUh! It did in Mine, too, just listening to this Story being retold!

So of course Chick – being, clearly, a Pearl-Clutching Troglodyte – runs to HR to tattle that, “Missy said ‘masturbate!? Agggghhhhh!?!?” And – Short Story Long – this episode ended with Missy getting written up by Her Boss.

. . .

Two months later – when Missy tendered Her resignation – Her Boss commented in a deer-in-the-headlights voice, “We never thought You’d leave!” amazed & mystified, because Missy is “very Good” at Her job. [N: i.e. does the work of 3 People]

But, clearly, Missy’s Boss didn’t Prioritize Missy’s work ethic or anything relevant. Missy’s Boss let this triggered Chick trigger herself – made a mountain out of a molehill, threw the baby out with the bathwater – and instead of just “laughing it off” ended up writing Missy up. Because – Contextually – “Them’s the Rules.”

Okay, time out. First, TECH is talking about the Rules. And all Rules start out Conceptual.. until You find Yourself in an IRL mutual Experience situation with any Other Person… TECH is supposed to acquire this Context data & use it in My Own internal evaluation. Before I act.

. . .

This is Why – IMO – that “All Boats Rise” Concept is flawed: All Boats do not and will not and cannot ‘rise’ when Everybody’s distracted & looking for “blood in the water.” Boats won’t rise if You think the water is tainted or poisoned in some UNKN way.

Missy? We Connected – initially – because I was drawn to Her unique & refreshing “higher level of discourse.” We are able to exchange ideas at a much higher level than the current one Everybody Else is playing at. But what I’ve realized – at least right now in Current Day – is when You fly above the rest of the flock? That just gets You killed. [N: Missy’s Story resonated strongly for Me, because I also have a similar Historical Experience in My Files, where this kind of high-level speaking ended with Me getting written up. smh]

. . .

Conner’s Comments: I am now “more discriminating” in who, specifically, choose to reveal My True Self to. I test the fences often – like those velociraptors in Jurassic Park – and if I don’t feel any shocks I keep nibbling at the fence. Peck-peck-peck, like the Little Chicken that I am. I “test the waters” before I jump into the pond.

And if I smell any whiff of danger? That I’m surrounded by Troglodytes? I play dumb: Every Answer is, “Uhh, I dunno.” Because it’s no longer a requirement to know One’s Own job even. So this is a “get out of jail free” card.

I will find My Herd. And for Everybody Else?

“I play the Game.”

And one more thing: Whenever You are talking to any OP where You say a high-level word that You notice triggers them – either they start sputtering, yelling, or even “stunned silence”- just take a breath, stop talking, and say this:

“Do You not know what that word means?” [N: TECH will Never admit not knowing something] *Smile* – and then tell them the definition. But “dumb it down” loll. And give Them a Chef’s Kiss:

“Look it up!” *PASSION runs off cackling gleefully*